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Jokes of the day
Things learned from college
- Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.
- New additions to the food groups: Mountain Dew, Doritos, Ben & Jerry's, Ho-Hos and Oreos
- Make sure your alarm clock has back-up batteries.
- It takes more than one person to carry your laundry, books, trash, or alcohol.
- If the lecture hall is big enough, get someone else's notes.
- Don't burn bridges, especially if he's good in Biology.
- Plain pasta never constituted a complete meal before.
- Bum rides, money, notes and snacks as much as you can get them.
- 10 minutes is more than enough time to get ready for your first class (not that this is anything really new).
- Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster, breaker before.
- The health service attendants are there because they couldn't make it in a real hospital, never ever forget that.
- Labs used to be fun.
- T.A. used to stand for teaching assistant, now, for terribly articulated.
- Squirt guns equal stress relief.
- E-mail becomes your second language.
- Frat parties are exactly like they are in the movies.
- Ten-page papers used to sound impossible, now they're a Godsend.
- Sleep becomes more important.
- Two meals a day are standard. One for some!
- You can never make too many meals in a hot pot (or pizelle maker).
- You begin to nap again (also not new).
- Showers become less important.
- Forget putting the toilet seat down,you just pray that they flush.
- Frisbee becomes a contact sport.
- Care packages rank up there with birthdays.
- College girls are the same as high school girls, just with more freedom... and no curfew.
- Your bill in the bookstore will almost equal tuition.
- Isn't it amazing that the book your professor wrote is always required for his class?
- Recycling becomes synonomous with laundry (Oh, my jeans can last until Christmas...there's only a little bit of mud on them)
- You never realized so many people are smarter than you.
- You never realized so many people are dumber than you.
- Professors are like celebrities: you see them, but they never see you.
- Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you'd never know, but you could recite last week's episode of Friends verbatim.
- See every movie under $3 that your campus provides; it's actually proportional to the amount of money you have.
Roadtrip whenever possible.
- Pick up all new lingo.
- Quarters are like gold.
- Be creative in the dining hall.
- Flipflops become as important as soap, shampoo, etc.
- You will never find so many excuses for a bucket.
- Duct tape heals all wounds. If not, scotch or masking tape will suffice for awhile.
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