> From: James Baughn <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> To: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> Subject: [humorix] Microsoft's Do-It-Yourself Power Plant
> Date: Wednesday, November 24, 1999 9:00 PM
>
> Microsoft's Do-It-Yourself Power Plant
> Bernhard Rosenkraenzer, [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> November 24, 1999
>
> REDMOND, WA -- Microsoft lawyers have filed a patent
> application with the USPTO for the concept of generating
> power from the nuclear reactions that accompany
> segmentation faults. The company plans to incorporate the
> "innovative" new technology as an optional feature of
> Windows 2000.
>
> As mentioned recently on Humorix, when Linux electrons and
> Windows electrons come in contact on a hard disk platter,
> they undergo a reaction that can ultimately cause the
> formation of a black hole. As a byproduct, an unbelievable
> amount of electricity is generated.
>
> Dr. B. E. Ginner, Microsoft's chief developer, was
> skeptical of the idea when he first read about it "on some
> crappy Linux portal website" (his words). He explained,
> "It seemed like utter nonsense, the kind of
> pseudo-scientific techno-babble used on sci-fi shows to
> explain holes in the plot. I mean, if Windows exploded
> everytime it came in contact with a competing operating
> system (and yes, Judge Jackson, WE DO HAVE COMPETITION! WE
> ARE NOT A MONOPOLY!), we'd all be toast by now."
>
> After conducting an experiment, Ginner's doubts were
> quickly erased. He installed Rat Head Linux, Microsoft's
> secret internal testing distro, on a small 1.2 GB
> partition, along with a minimal install of Windows 2000
> (build 23Nov1999) occupying 12.3 TB. Upon booting Linux he
> started to the see the truth behind the theory. Clearly,
> some sort of matter/anti-matter reaction was taking place
> because the computer seemed so much more powerful.
>
> For a final proof, he copied this C code snippet from the
> source code of Windows 2000's equivalent of cron:
>
> {
> int *null_pointer;
> int crash_now = *null_pointer;
> }
>
> This code induced a segmentation fault, causing the nuclear
> reaction to occur. Dr. Ginner was astounded. "With this
> technology, Microsoft will be able to corner the utilities
> market," he announced to a room full of Microsoft
> executives and patent attorneys.
>
> In addition to filing numerous patent claims, the company
> has already trademarked the techology as
> "ActivePower(tm)". Dr. Ginner explained how the technology
> will work: "Windows 2000 will include a minimal Rat Head
> distro which will be completely hidden from the user,
> because a piece of cryptic crap like Linux has no place in
> a user-friendly operating system. When the user wants to
> generate ActivePower(tm), Win2K will fire up an emulated
> Linux environment and execute a program to cause a
> segmentation fault on demand. The resulting nuclear
> reaction should produce enough power to run the machine for
> several hours."
>
> He added, "We still have a few known issues to work out.
> If Win2K bluescreens while the segfault is in progress, a
> black hole can form, which is, ahem, not good. Oh, and 15%
> of the time the motherboard is fried due to the generated
> power spike. These problems should be fixed by the release
> of Windows 2000 (early 2002 the last I heard); if not, then
> we'll just produce a draconian license agreement that
> disclaims all liability."
>
> UPDATE
>
> Just as this story went to press, we received word from our
> Vast Spy Network(tm) that a Linux shell is available in the
> current build of Windows 2000. To access it, type "Bill
> rules the world" in Notepad, and then double-click on the
> second l in Bill 3 times in a row. Login as "bill" with the
> password "DOJsucks".
>
> -
> Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
> Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/
> Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/
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