ooooohhhhh......scarrryyyy.... sdg -----Forwarded Message-----
> From: James Baughn <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > To: Humorix Mailing List <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Subject: [humorix] The Haunted Server Room > Date: 29 Oct 2002 23:51:20 -0600 > > The Haunted Server Room > By Dances With Penguins, Humorix Investigative Reporter > October 29, 2002 > > Witches? Ghosts? Monsters? Chain-saw murderers? Orcs? > Zombies? None of these traditional forms of Halloween evil > have any impact on geeks. Haunted houses, B movies, and > "Very Special Halloween Television Specials" simply don't > instill fear in the hearts of American nerds. > > But that doesn't mean Linux longhairs can't be scared. > Evil definitely abounds in the world, and the > South-Southeastern California Linux User Group hopes to > capitalize with its production of the Zeroth Annual Haunted > Server Room. > > "It's just like traditional haunted houses, but this is > actually scary," explained SSCLUG Benevolent Dictator and > founder Eric Steverson. "Any geek that can make it through > the entire tour of the haunted server room will get their > US$5 admission refunded. (Offer not valid if you pee in > your pants.)" > > Money raised from the Halloween event will help support > professional hobby open source programmers who will be able > to continue working on half-baked KDE and GNOME applets > that will never be finished. > > This reporter was invited to a beta-testing session of the > Haunted Server Room. I've never been more scared in my > entire life. Since only five regular readers will read > this, I don't think it will be too embarassing if I admit > that I didn't make it through the whole complex. > > The Linux User Group has leased an office building to put > on the haunted production. This isn't just any building; > it was once home to a small but prosperous software > development company that developed a software product in > competition with Microsoft. Within days the company > suffered a violent death when it became > embraced-and-extinguished. Some say the building is > haunted in its own right because of its checkered past. > The place vibrates with psychic energy -- the pain > experienced by its former inhabitants is etched into its > walls and floors. Or something like that. > > When first entering the building on the tour, you see an > innocent looking computer lab filled with PCs running > Linux. Then unexpectedly, the power goes out and one of > the "tour guides" screams, "We're being attacked!" One by > one, the computers display the Windows splash screen... and > then the Blue Screen of Death. "Code 3! Code 3! Our > machines are being infected!" another tour guide shouts. > Before long the entire room glows blue from the light of > the Operating System From Hell. > > The whole thing is just a show, but it was orchestrated so > flawlessly that it sent my heart pounding. > > And this was just the warmup. > > Before anybody could catch their breaths, men in black > suits busted the doors down and rushed into the room > yelling "We're from the BSA! This is an audit!" They are > followed by another batch of attackers carrying briefcases > emblazed when the logo of everybody's least favorite > monopoly. "We're from Microsoft! This is a raid! > Everybody step away from the computers until we can inspect > them for pirated Microsoft software!" > > I nearly had a heart attack right then and there. > > During the next part of the tour of the Haunted Server > Room, the audience was led one-by-one into a hallway. > Large advertisements are projected on the walls -- all > from companies on the Official Register Of Big Evil > Companies That Should Be Boycotted. Loud, blaring > commercials play in the background. And computers along the > wall feature pop-up advertisements -- literally. At random > intervals, robotic mallets connected to the computers pop > up and slap you over the head while playing pre-recorded > promotions for AOL, Unisys, Verisign, and other despised > companies. > > Finally, one of the tour guides announces, "Welcome to the > future!" > > The audience is then herded to another room decorated like > a prison cell. One actor, dressed in prison stripes, says > desperately, "I'm was locked up when I made a typo when > entering a URL and accidentally stumbled on top-secret FBI > documents!" > > Another "prisoner" screams, "I made a GIF image using the > GIMP without paying royalties to Unisys!" and then, "I > posted a Usenet message containing a deep link to the Major > League Baseball website without first obtaining their > expressed written permission!" > > The final inmate says, "I was given ten-to-twenty for > transferring a copy of Windows to my mother in violation of > the End User License Agreement!" He then says in a droning > voice, "But I underwent re-education therapy and now I'm > doing much better. If I promise to never commit another > violation against my benevolent corporate masters, I might > be allowed to go free in six months. Microsoft is good. > Copyrights are good. Piracy is bad. Piracy is bad. Piracy > is bad..." > > I couldn't take it anymore. The Blue Screens of Death... > the Intellectual Property Police Invasion... the Saturation > Bombing of Advertisements... the Microsoft/Disney/AOL > Prison... > > I lost it right there. I ran out of the building (along > with several other terrified-beyond-belief members of the > audience) at a speed I had never achieved even when I was > on the high school track team. > > What did I miss? Well, I didn't make it to the room where > a machine-gun-toting Richard M. Stallman goes ballistic > when somebody says "Linux" without "GNU". I didn't make it > to the staged simulation of a Congressional hearing > sponsored and paid for by the RIAA into the evils of music > piracy. I didn't make it to the demonstration of the > exciting new features of Microsoft Windows DRM Edition. > > It's been two days now since I visited the Haunted Server > Room and I'm still having nightmares. I now check under my > bed before I turn the lights off to make sure no Microsoft > lawyers are hiding down there. > > This is the last time I participate in any Halloween > activities. > > -- > Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note > Archive: http://mail.nl.linux.org/humorix/ > Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/ > -- To unsubscribe, send mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the body "unsubscribe ilug-cal" and an empty subject line. FAQ: http://www.ilug-cal.org/help/faq_list.html
