Ok. that's cute. > -----Original Message----- > From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of > John Tolmachoff (Lists) > Sent: Wednesday, December 24, 2003 1:00 PM > To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Subject: RE: [IMail Forum] Happy Holidays! > > Or what about this one: > > >Subject: The Office Christmas Party > > > >Date: October 01, 2003 > > > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > > > >RE: Christmas Party > > > > > >I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take > >place on December 23, starting at noon in the private > function room at > >the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of > drinks! We'll > >have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to > sing along. > >And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa > Claus! A > >Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00PM. > >Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; > however, no > >gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for > >everyone's pockets. > >This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special > >announcement at that time! > > > >Merry Christmas to you and your family. > > > > > >Patty > > > >============================================================= > ========== > >==== > = > > > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > > > > > >TO: All Employees > > > >DATE: October 02, 2003 > > > >RE: Holiday Party > > > > > >In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish > >employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which > >often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. > >However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same > >policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians > or those > >still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no > Christmas tree > >present. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other > types of music > >for your enjoyment. > > > >Happy now? > > > >Happy Holidays to you and your family. > > > > > >Patty > > > >============================================================= > ========== > >==== > = > > > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > > > >TO: All Employees > > > >DATE: October 03, 2003 > > > >RE: Holiday Party > > > > > >Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous > >requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm > >happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a > table that > >reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am > I supposed > >to handle this? Somebody? > > > >Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since > >the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives > >believe $10.00 is a little chintzy. > > > >NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED. > > > >============================================================= > ========== > >==== > = > > > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > > > > > >To: All Employees > > > >DATE: October 04, 2003 > > > >RE: Holiday Party > > > > > >What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 > begins the > >Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and > drinking during > >daylight hours. > >There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a > luncheon at > >this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' > beliefs. > >Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal > until the end > >of the party or > > >else > >package everything for you to take it home in little foil > doggy baggy. > >Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of > Weight Watchers > >to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women > will get the > >table closest to the restrooms. > >Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not > have to sit > >with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be > >flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking > >permission to crossdress, no crossdressing allowed though. We will > >have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food > > >will be > >available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt > used in the > >food > > >we suggest > >for those people with high blood pressure to taste first. > There will be > >fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot > supply "No > >Sugar" desserts. > >Sorry! > > > >Did I miss anything?!?!? > > > > > >Patty > > > >============================================================= > ========== > >==== > = > > > >FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director > > > >TO: All Damn Employees > > > >DATE: October 05, 2003 > > > >RE: The Damn Holiday Party > > > > > >Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!! We're > going to keep > >this > > >party at the > >Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit > quietly at the > >table > > >furthest from > >the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your > >damn salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know, > tomatoes have > >feelings, too. They > > >scream > >when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing > them scream > >right NOW! > >I hope you all have a rotten holiday! > > > >Drive drunk and die, > > > > > >The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!! > > > >============================================================= > ========== > >==== > = > > > >FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director > > > >DATE: October 06, 2003 > > > >RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party > > > > > >I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a > speedy recovery > >and > > >I'll > >continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, > management has > >decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the > afternoon of > >the 23rd off > > >with full pay. > > > >Happy Holidays! > > John Tolmachoff > Engineer/Consultant/Owner > eServices For You > > > > To Unsubscribe: http://www.ipswitch.com/support/mailing-lists.html > List Archive: > http://www.mail-archive.com/imail_forum%40list.ipswitch.com/ > Knowledge Base/FAQ: http://www.ipswitch.com/support/IMail/ >
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