Delivered-To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Date: Wed, 21 Jan 2004 12:05:42 -0500 From: Rob Carlson <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Subject: Authenticating to the Georgia DMV To: Dave Farber <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
For IP, the author gave me permission to forward this to the list with a link.
http://tequilamockingbird.blogspot.com/ 2004_01_01_tequilamockingbird_archive.html#107469525200926236
1.21.2004 conversations with dmv employees by tequila mockingbird
welcome to geico! in order to finish processing your request for a new auto policy, we need the following information:
- your georgia driver�s license number
please contact us with this information so we can complete your request.
huh. my georgia driver�s license number. well. that�s something. my georgia driver�s license number. no idea what that could be.
see, i don�t have a georgia driver�s license number anymore. mostly because i do not have a georgia driver�s license anymore. i have a maryland driver�s license. and, when you get your maryland driver�s license, you have to surrender your old license. that�s the term they use. �surrender.� i love it. it sounds so dramatic. like you�re making some huge sacrifice. surrender! i surrender my license to you, oh lord baltimore.
so, you can see how it might be impossible for me to give them my georgia driver�s license number.
�thank you for calling geico, how may i help you?�
�i received an email from you guys asking for my old driver�s license number. from the state i used to live in. but, i don�t have that license anymore�is that something i can authorize them to release to you, or do you know what i�ll need to do?�
�what state was it?�
�georgia.�
�ooohhh. yeah. they won�t give that to us. Yeah, georgia won�t release that information to us. you�ll have to contact the georgia dmv and get that from them. they won�t release that to us.�
�so, they won�t release that to you?�
what? i couldn�t resist.
�no. just give them a call.�
�okay, thanks.�
now, there are few things in this world that i dread more than anything involving the words �department of motor vehicles.� maybe things involving the word �colon� or �pierce.� but it�s really too close to call.
�georgia department of motor vehicles.�
okay, right there�notice the total absence of any phrase even remotely resembling �may i help you?� not even �how may i direct your call.� not even �what the hell do you want?� nothing.
�i�m a former georgia resident, and i surrendered [so dramatic!] my georgia license when i moved to maryland. i�m getting new insurance, and they need my georgia driver�s license number. so, do you guys have that on record?�
�uh huh.�
�great! wonderful! okay, what will i need to do in order to get that information? i went to your web site but i didn�t see an option to request my driving records online�.�
�you need to come in to the office and we�ll just tell it to you.�
i�m pretty sure i mentioned that part where i moved to maryland. and, furthermore �we�ll just tell it to you� doesn�t sound very�official.
�well, coming in to the office might be a bit tough for me�i�m in maryland now. so��
[silence]
�so��
[silence]
�so�uh�is there another option for me to get that information?�
�i can mail it to you.�
i�m not trying to be ugly here when i say that i�ve seen the lightning speed with which governmental agencies tend to operate. i�ve been a state government employee. it�s glacial. you can put sod on your ass and grow tulips faster than you can get something in the mail from the department of motor vehicles.
�how about faxing? can i fax the request to you and then get the information via fax?�
�no.�
�no?�
�no. it�s not secure. we don�t have any way of knowing where we�re faxing it to.�
i�m just not up for a fight. it�s the dmv. it�s like the borg in star trek: resistance is futile.
�okay, i guess we�ll just do mail then. is there a form i can print off and fill out and send in?�
�i don�t need a form. just give me your address.�
so, i give her my mailing address, and wait. what am i waiting for? i�m waiting for her to ask me my social security number. or my date of birth. or even the address i lived at in georgia. something. anything.
�okay. i�ll send that out to you.�
�wait.�
and i�m torn. do i ask questions that might antagonize the borg, thereby ensuring that i never receive my information? never. ever. ever. i don�t want to make it angry, or give it the impression that i�m somehow opposed to assimilation, but i�m just sure that she must have forgotten something. i mean, how can she know which one of me i am? like, what if there is more than one person with my name � she didn�t even ask for my middle name.
how can she be sure this is really me asking for the information?
i can�t stand it.
�excuse me, but i�m a little confused.�
�confused?�
�well, sort of, yes. i mean, i don�t really understand how this is more secure than maybe faxing it to me. i mean, i just gave you an address � it could be any address. i could give you a fax number, and it could be any fax number, so i guess i just don�t understand why we can�t�i mean, i don�t understand how this is better. or more secure.�
�so, is that a fake address or something? that one you gave me.�
�no, it�s not, i mean�what i was trying to say was��
oh, forget it. that�s what the voices in my head are screaming. just forget it. but the voice coming out of my mouth just keeps right on going.
��and, i guess i also don�t understand how you can figure out who i am. or be sure i am really me. i mean, don�t you need to know something that will help you find me in the system? i mean, all you have is my name�just my first and last name. not even my middle name.�
[silence]
�that�s a good point. okay�how about you give me your georgia driver�s license number and i could look you up that way.�
-- Rob Carlson [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://vees.net/
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