Hi Sean, I realized I missed this email. I will work on this draft this week and next.
Thanks, Vishwas On Wed, Jan 9, 2013 at 6:17 AM, Sean Turner <[email protected]> wrote: > These are pretty much just nits. Please address Tero's comments as well. > > 1. We charter WGs and I'm going to go with the thought that it will > succeed ;) > > a: r/is chartered to/will > > 2. s1.1: Hub definition. > > Verb choice: > > r/there is no devices/there are no devices > > 3. s1.1.: Spoke definition: > > Extra the: > > r/in the a star/in a star > > Need some ses: > > r/it encrypt data coming from cleartext device > /it encrypts data coming from cleartext devices > > 4. s2: Use administrative domain in s1 but organization here. Is > consistency needed? > > Not sure what you'd think about this, but what do you think about not > using lowercase 2119 words in any of the s2 subsections? Reviewers should > be able to piece together that this is the use case section and not the > requirements section and therefore there shouldn't be any 2119 language > here - but they don't always. To be clear, I'm not hard over on this. > > r/must use/need > r/must/need to > r/should/ought to > > 5. s2.1: > > Can you remove direct from "direct, point-to-point"? Isn't direct in the > definition? > > Shouldn't "hub and spoke topology" be "star topology"? "hub and spoke > topology" isn't defined in s1.1. > > I think you might need an "a" to match the previous sentence: > > r/Such use case/Such a use case ? > > r/expose them/expose themselves > > 6. s2.2: > > An extra the: > > r/for the voice and other/for voice and other > > Nit picking here but I think this is clearer: > > r/endpoints are administrated by separate management domains > /endpoints are in different administrative domains > > Please expand: L3VPNs and GRE. > > 7. s4.1: > > r/firewall, NAT box/firewalls, NAT boxes > > 8. Req 10 + 11: Is the requirement driver under 11 for both 10 and 11? If > so then it should be "These requirements". If you're going to do this > couldn't you just group 10-14 as they're the same driver for all 5? Or, is > the driver under 10 missing? > > 9 s5: To match the title: > > r/Problem state and requirement/problem statement and requirements > > 10. General: Sometimes it's ADVPN and other times it's AD VPN. > > 11. Allied and federated environments should be defined in the terminology > section or at least introduced earlier in the draft. > > spt > ______________________________**_________________ > IPsec mailing list > [email protected] > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/**listinfo/ipsec<https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/ipsec> >
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