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A Sister wrote the
following:
I want to ask what you know
about divorce from a miserable, miserable, miserable relationship.
Does anyone know how to
survive and start over? salaam. ________________________________________
Assalaamu `Alaykum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuhu Dear Sister-in-Islam, I read your poignant message requesting
information on divorce. Based on the brief information you
provided I am not in a position to give you
any advice vis-à-vis divorce but I will attach below
some links for you to read up on the subject. As a woman and
your sister-in-Islam, I feel your pain and the dilemma you are going
through and I shall endeavour to give you some advice based on
the teachings of the Qur'aan, in shaa'Allaah.
You asked: "Does anyone know how to survive and start
over?" As a Mumin you
can start over and
survive by having strength in
eemaan in knowing that:
"And no (moving)
living creature is there on earth but its provision is due from
Allah." (Hood
11:6).
Ponder how the Prophet Adam `alayhissalaam laboured along
difficult paths beset with affliction; the severe tests the Prophet
Ibraheem `alayhissalaam was put to
- he lost his abode, was expelled from his country, thrown into a blazing
fire and had to wander from one country to another. But he proved himself up to
the mark and, above all, he prepared to lay down his beloved
son Ishmael `alayhissalaam for slaughter
at the slightest instance of his Lord. That is why Allaah called
him as His friend; Prophet Yoonus
`alayhissalaam was
swallowed by a whale; Prophet Ayoob `alayhissalaam suffered from a severe illness and
lost all his tremendous wealth; Prophet Yoosuf `alayhissalaam was sold for a pittance, thrown into a
well and wrongfully jailed and how the Prophet Muhammad Sall Allaahu
`alayhi wa sallam suffered so many kinds of injury. You are also on
the path of difficulties, fraught with anxiety, insecurities, and
despair in not knowing what to do. But please take comfort in
remembering what the Prophet Sall Allaahu `alayhi wa sallam told
you and all of us, "If Allaah wants to do good to somebody, He
afflicts him with trials." (Narrated by Abu Huraira radhiallahu 'anhu -
Saheeh-Bukharee: Volume 7,
Book 70, Numbers 545, 547, 548).
Real trial, is the trial in one's
religion and whatever trial besides that is regarded as well being, for it
raises one in the rank and erases one's sins. Also all comforts that do
not bring one closer to Allaah Ta'aala is a tribulation. Do not therefore grieve
over your sufferings in your "miserable, miserable, miserable"
marital relationship. Do not lose hope in Allaah's Mercy. Do remember
always Allaah Almighty's favour on you
" ~ Allaah does not place on any soul a burden greater
than it can bear." (Al
Baqarah 2:286 - interpretation of the meaning)
and bear your circumstances by being pleased with
Allaah's decree, for however long the night may be, it will be followed by the
dawn ~ "Surely, with every difficulty there is
ease." (Ash Sharh 94:5 -
interpretation of the meaning) - be patient for it will happen
at the right time and fervantly trust that Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala knows
right at this moment what is happening to you, what you are going
through and what is best for you.
Supplicate to Allaah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala
and put all your trust in Him (as du'aa is the greatest might of a
Mumin), for Allaah Ta'aala tells you (interpretation of the
meaning) ~ "Is it not He who responds to the distressed
one when he calls Him (better than your gods.)" (An Naml 27: 62). He
Ta'aala will give you relief and if you are patient Allaah 'Azza wa Jall
will provide a way out for you. The Prophet Sall Allaahu `alayhi wa
sallam said: �The du'aa of the person who is in distress is:
'Allaahumma rahmataka arjoo fa laa takilni ilaa nafsi tarfat 'ayn wa
aslih li sha'ni kullahu laa ilaaha illa anta (O Allaah, for Your
mercy I hope, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for the blink of
an eye; rectify all my affairs. There is no god except You). (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 5090; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh
Abi Dawood, 4246.)
Dear Sister, put yourself under the protection of Allaah Ta'aala straightaway, depend upon Him, submit your affairs to Him and pray to Him Almighty for relief. The best way to establish a (closer) relationship is to talk to Allaah as if He, the Almighty, is right there next to you, listening to you attentively, responding to you lovingly, and helping you graciously. Talk to Him in your own words and express yourself to Him as you would to very close trustworthy friend. Make Him your confidante, tell Him everything that bothers you or worries you. Tell Him what is not going right and request His help to make it right. Humbly ask for His support and kindness. Then feel His Mercy surrounding you. Tell Him your problems and leave the solution(s) to Him. Let Him know that that you are relying on His boundless Mercy reposing all your trust in Him and hence, presenting all your problems for Him to take care. Make it clear that after requesting His help in those problems, you are not going to worry about them any more at all. After giving things in His wonderful hands, you are leaving the results to Him. Tell Him you will be happy whatever outcome He chooses for you, because you know that He is going to take care of your needs in the best manner. The best place to talk to Allaah Almighty is in solitude
where nothing interferes your intimate talk with Him. The best way to talk to
Him is in words, not just thoughts. Say in your words what you want to say. Use
expressions and gestures as you like. No, it is not weird or crazy. It is
intimacy with our Lord. When you want to be more intimate and closer, go into
Sajdah position and pour your heart out. Let your tears flow if they come.
He Azzawajall loves those tears. He pours His Mercy over those who pour their
hearts out to Him and cry to Him for help.
Once you have talked to Allaah Ta'aala, you must have faith in Him. You must feel positive that He will come to your help in the best possible manner. After relating your problems to Him, you must not worry at all. That is what trust (in your Lord) is all about. Knowing that He will respond to you in His own ways and in the best way. You must have faith that whatever He delivers will be the best for you in the long run. Sometimes you may not understand what good is hidden in what you are going through, but if you have sincerely left the matters to Him, and then stop worrying because of your confidence in Him, you will always be pleased in the long run. You will look back and see the wisdom of the things that happened in the past, which at that time you did not understand. When you talk to Allaah Ta'aala to confide in Him and to express your feelings, it may not need any other action on your part. But for those issues where you seek His help, ensure that in addition to seeking His help, you do your best to address that issue on your own. Whatever you want from Allaah Ta'aala, make sure that you do your best for that yourself as well, because Allaah�s Help comes when a person has done his or her best in their endeavours. Allaah does respond to the prayers but only to those that are accompanied with action and hard work by the one who is seeking help.
So do not give up even if your supplications have not yet been answered, and do not lose hope of Allaah Ta'alaa's Mercy and Compassion even though the period of your difficulties in your marriage may seem long, for relief and success will surely come. So keep doing your best and keep talking to Allaah. You will be glad that you did.
And remember that life in this world is full of trials, a temporary test. It really does not matter much what we face here in the dunya. What matters is how we respond to what we face. It is the Hereafter that really matters. From that perspective, remember, a believer is always a winner. He or she never fails. If good things happen, a believer thanks Allaah Ta'aala with humility and earns reward. When difficulties are encountered, he or she remains patient and steadfast and that also earns rewards. So let us be winners by adopting the right attitude � an attitude that never fails, an attitude that pleases Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala. Here are some links for you to read on
divorce:
1. The Muslim Women's
League on "Marriage and Divorce in Islam - an Islamic perspective on
Divorce"
2. Examples of acceptable
reasons for asking one�s husband for khula�
3. Ruling
on a Woman Asking for a Divorce from Her Husband
4. Khula�: definition and how it is done
5. Some causes of divorce
6.
Divorce uttered in anger
7. A number of
questions about divorce
I ask Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta'aala
to bless you with His Mercy and Fadhl and entrust you to the care of
Allaah, for those who are under His care will never be lost. May Allaah
guide you in the ways of peace and to make you steadfast on the path
of His Deen and to bless you with the sweetness of faith.
Aameen.
Wa aakhir da`waani A`nilhamdulilaahi
Rabbil A`lameen.
Fi Amman Allaah
Your sister
K a r i m a
_____________________________________________________________________________________________ " *************************************************************************** {Invite (mankind, O Muhammad ) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided.} (Holy Quran-16:125) {And who is better in speech than he who [says: "My Lord is Allah (believes in His Oneness)," and then stands straight (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allah's (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: "I am one of the Muslims."} (Holy Quran-41:33) The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "By Allah, if Allah guides one person by you, it is better for you than the best types of camels." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslim] The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said, "Whoever calls to guidance will have a reward similar to the reward of the one who follows him, without the reward of either of them being lessened at all." [Muslim, Ahmad, Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee, at-Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- All views expressed herein belong to the individuals concerned and do not in any way reflect the official views of IslamCity unless sanctioned or approved otherwise. If your mailbox clogged with mails from IslamCity, you may wish to get a daily digest of emails by logging-on to http://www.yahoogroups.com to change your mail delivery settings or email the moderators at [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the title "change to daily digest".
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