When
Friends Hurt Each Other
By Muhammad
Al-Shareef
Imam Malik (Rahmatullah alaihi) one day entered the Masjid after
Asr. Towards the front of Masjid An-Nabawee he drew closer and sat down. Rasul
Allah (SAW) had commanded that anyone who enters the Masjid should not sit until
he first prays 2 raka's as a salutation of the Masjid. Imam Malik was of the
opinion however that Rasul Allah's (SAW) forbiddance of praying after Asr took
precedence and so he would teach his students to not pray the tahiyyatul Masjid
if they entered between the Asr and Maghrib time.
At that moment that Imam Malik sat down, a young boy had seen
him sit without first praying the 2 raka’s of Tahiyyatul Masjid. The young boy
scorned him, “Get up and pray 2 raka's!”
Imam Malik dutifully stood up once again and began praying the 2
raka's. The students sat stunned: What was going on? Had Imam Malik’s opinion
changed?
After he had completed the salah, the students swarmed around
and questioned his actions. Imam Malik said, “My opinion has not changed, nor
have I gone back on what I taught you earlier. I merely feared that had I not
prayed the 2 rakas as the young boy commanded, Allah may include me in the
Ayah…
[And when it is said to them, ‘Bow (in
prayer)’, they do not bow.]- al mursalat 77/48.
Imam Ahmad (Rahmatullah alaihi) held the opinion that eating
camel meat nullifies ones Wudu, an opinion that the majority of scholars
differed from. Some students asked him, “If you find an Imam eating camel meat
in front of you and – without first making Wudu - then leads the Salah, would
you pray behind him?” Imam Ahmad replied, “Do you think I would not pray behind
the likes of Imam Malik and Sa’eed ibn Al-Musayyab?”
Allah created humans with differences. It is the law of
creation. Different tongues, different colors, different cultures… all that on
the outside. On the inside, humans were created with many degrees of knowledge,
intellect, and comprehension of concepts. This is all a sign of Allah’s all
encompassing power to do whatever He wills:
"And among His signs is the creation of
the heavens and the earth, and the variations in your languages and your colors:
verily in that are signs for those who know." [30:22]
Humans shall differ, that is not the issue. The issue is: How as
a Muslim should one confront these differences of opinions and what should be
our relationship with someone of a different opinion.
Allah ta’ala commanded us to call and advise people in this Deen
of Al-Islam. Many Muslims set off on this mission blindfolded, not realizing
that the map was there in the Qur’an also. In fact, in the very same verse where
Allah commanded us to call and advise people in this Deen, Allah taught us how
to do it. Read the following verse carefully:
[Invite (fi’l Amr – Allah is
commanding) to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction and argue
with them in a way that is best! ] – Surah An-Nahl
16/125.
There is no need to philosophize. No need to talk in the flower
gardens. It is right there, plain and simple for anyone who would take
heed.
There in that Ayah are the three ingredients to apply when we
disagree with someone. The same Allah that taught us to debate the truth, taught
us how to do it:
With Hikmah
With good instruction, and
To argue in a way that is best.
What does it mean to have Hikmah when differing
with someone?
The grandsons of Rasul Allah (SAW) once set one of the most
beautiful examples of Hikmah in advising others. Al-Hasan and Al-Husayn – in
their young age - once saw a senior man performing Wudu incorrectly. Together
they arranged a plan to teach the man without insulting him, advising him in a
manner befitting of his age.
Together they went to the senior and announced, “My brother and
I have differed over who amongst us performs Wudu the best. Would you mind being
the judge to determine which one of us indeed performs Wudu more
correctly.”
The man watched intently as the two grandsons of Rasul Allah
(SAW) performed Wudu in an explicit manner. After they had completed, he thanked
them and said, “By Allah, I did not know how to perform Wudu before this. You
have both taught me how to do it correctly.”
We must understand that there are two dimensions to Hikmah.
Firstly, there is the Hikmah of knowledge – Hikmah Ilmiyyah.
And secondly, there is the Hikmah of Action – Hikmah
Amaliyyah.
Some people may have Hikmah of knowledge. But we see that when
they try correcting others, advising them, they lack the Hikmah of Action. This
causes many a common folk to reject the Hikmah of knowledge.
To illustrate this Hikmah of knowledge without Hikmah of action,
a brother once completed the Salah in a local Masjid and then proceeded to shake
hands with the people on his right and left. The brother to his immediate right
slapped his hand and snapped, “That is not part of the Sunnah!” The man replied
most correctly, “Oh, is disrespect and insult part of the Sunnah?”
To show Hikmah when we differ requires the
following:
Sincerity
One: If we differ, our intentions should be that we are
differing in the sincere hope of coming away with the truth. Our intentions
should be sincere to Allah.
We should not differ just to release some hate or envy in our
heart. We should not differ to embarrass someone like we may have been
embarrassed.
Rasul Allah (SAW) said, “Whoever
learns knowledge – knowledge from that which should be sought for the sake of
Allah – only to receive a commodity of the material world, he shall not find the
fragrance of Jannah on the day of resurrection.”- An authentic hadith narrated
by Abu Dawood in Kitab Al- Ilm.
Kindness and
Gentleness
Two: To have Hikmah when differing means we should rarely depart
from an atmosphere of kindness and gentleness, we should seldom allow ourselves
to become angry and raise our voices.
Fir’own was one of the evilest people that lived. Musa (AS) was
one of the noblest. Look at how Allah told Musa (AS) to advise
Fir’own…
[Go, both of you, to Fir’own. Indeed, he
has transgressed. And speak to him with gentle speech, perhaps he may remember
or fear (Allah).]
A man once entered upon the Khalifah and chastised him
for some policies he had taken. The Khalifah replied, “By Allah, Fir’own was
more eviler than me. And by Allah, Musa (AS) was more pious than you. Yet, Allah
commanded him…[And speak to him with gentle speech, perhaps he may remember or
fear (Allah).]
Take Your Time and
Clarify
Three: To have Hikmah when dealing with others is to be patient
and clarify things before snapping to conclusions.
Imam Ahmad narrates with his chain of narrators leading to Ibn
Abbas who said, “A man from Bani Saleem passed by a
group of the Prophet’s (SAW) companions. (At that time of war) The man said ‘as
salamu alaykum’ to them. The companions concluded that he only said ‘as salamu
alaykum’ to them as a deception to save himself from being caught. They
surrounded him and Malham ibn Juthaamah killed him. From that event Allah
revealed the verse…
[O you who have believed, when you
go forth (to fight) in the cause of Allah, investigate, and do not say to one
who gives you (a greeting of peace), “You are not a believer,” Aspiring for the
goods of worldly life; for with Allah are many acquisitions. You (yourselves)
were like that before; then Allah conferred His favor (i.e. guidance) upon you,
so investigate. Indeed, Allah is ever with what you do, acquainted.] - Surah
AnNisa, 4/94. From Tafseer Ibn
Katheer.
Speak
Kindly
Fourthly, never trade in kind words for harshness, especially
when dealing with other Muslims.
Look at the power of a sincere and polite word:
Mus’ab ibn Umayr (RA) was the first of ambassador of
Rasul Allah (SAW) in Madinah. Before Rasul Allah (SAW) had arrived in Madinah,
Mus’ab (RA) taught ahl al-Madinah about Islam and they began to enter the
Deen.
This enraged Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah, one of the chieftains of
Madinah. He sheathed his sword and set off for the head of Mus’ab ibn ‘Umayr
(RA). When he confronted Mus’ab (RA) he threatened, “Stop this nonsense you
speak or you shall find yourself dead!”
Mus’ab (RA) replied in the way that should be a lesson
for us all. This man before him did not stop at rudeness and ignorance, he
wanted to slit his throat.
Mus’ab (RA) said, “Shall you not sit and listen for a
few moments. If you agree with what I say then take it, and if not, we shall
desist from this talk.” Sa’d sat down.
Mus’ab (RA) spoke about Allah and His messenger (SAW)
until the face of Sa’d ibn Ubaadah’s face shone like a full moon and he said,
“What should a person do who wishes to enter into this Deen?” After Mus’ab (RA)
had told him he said, “There is a man, if he accepts this Deen, there shall be
no home in Madinah that will not become Muslim. Sa’d ibn
Mu’aadh.”
When Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh heard what was happening, he was
infuriated. He left his home to go and kill this man called Mus’ab ibn Umayr
(RA) for the dissention he had caused. He entered upon Mus’ab (RA) and
announced, “You shall desist of this religion you speak of or you shall find
yourself dead!”
Mus’ab (RA) replied, “Shall you not sit and listen for a
few moments. If you agree with what I say then take it, and if not, I shall
desist from this talk.” Sa’d sat.
Mus’ab (RA) spoke about Allah and His messenger (SAW)
until the face of Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh’s face shone like a full moon and he said,
“What should a person do who wishes to enter into this
Deen?”
Look at what a kind word did. Sa’d ibn Mu’aadh went home
to his Madinan tribe that night and announced to them all, “Everything of yours
is Haram upon me until you all enter into Islam.”
That night, every home in Madinah went to bed with Laa
ilaaha illa Allah … all because of a kind word.
Part II: Who wins?
Mu’aawiyah ibn al-Hakam al-Salami. When he
came to Madeenah from the desert, he did not know that it was forbidden to speak
during the salaah. He relates: “Whilst I was praying behind the Messenger of
Allah (SAW), a man sneezed, so I said ‘Yarhamuk Allah (may Allaah have mercy on
you).’ The people glared at me, so I said, ‘May my mother lose me! What is wrong
with you that you are looking at me?’ They began to slap their thighs with their
hands, and when I saw that they were indicating that I should be quiet, I
stopped talking (i.e., I nearly wanted to answer them back, but I controlled
myself and kept quiet).
When the Messenger of Allah (SAW) had
finished praying – may my father and mother be sacrificed for him, I have never
seen a better teacher than him before or since – he did not scold me or hit me
or put me to shame. He just said, ‘This prayer should contain nothing of the
speech of men; it is only tasbeeh and takbeer and recitation of the Qur’an.’”
(Saheeh Muslim, ‘Abd al-Baaqi edn., no. 537).
Islam showed us how to differ with one another. Some people
think that we should never differ at all and all disagreements should be
avoided. Nay, this is an incorrect assumption, for the Qur’an and Sunnah show
clearly that when a mistake is made it should be corrected. Indeed helping
others do what is right is a requirement of the Deen, sincere
Naseeha.
We see when Rasul Allah (SAW) turned away from AbdAllah ibn Umm
Maktoom, the blind man, Allah corrected him in the Qur’an…
[The Prophet) frowned and turned away,
Because there came to him the blind man But what could tell you that perchance
he might become pure (from sins)? Or that he might receive admonition, and that
the admonition might profit him?] – surah Abasa, 1-4
When Haatib ibn Abi Balta’ah (RA) made the mistake of writing to
the kuffaar of Quraysh and informing them of the direction in which the Prophet
(SAW) was headed on a military campaign against them, Allah revealed the
words:
[O you who believe! Take not My
enemies and your enemies as friends…] - Surah Mumtahinah/1
And so on. Thus we learn that when a mistake happens it should
be corrected. However, the method of correction is what needs our
attention.
Whenever Muslims argue, it is as if each party carries a banner
of: ‘I must win and you must lose!’ Careful study of the Sunnah however shows us
that this is not always the case with the way Rasul Allah (SAW) acted. Consider
the following examples:
“I lose and you win!”
A Bedouin came to Rasul Allah (SAW) and
told him, “Give me from what Allah gave you, not from the wealth of your mother
nor from the wealth of your father.” The Sahabah were furious at the man and
step forward to discipline him for what he said. Rasul Allah (SAW) commanded
everyone to leave him.
Then by the hand, Rasul Allah (SAW) took
him home, opened his door and said, “Take what you wish and leave what you
wish.” The man did so and after he completed, Rasul Allah (SAW) asked him, “Have
I honored you?” “Yes, by Allah,” said the Bedouin. “Ash hadu an laa ilaaha illa
Allah, wa ashhadu anna Muhammadar Rasul Allah.”
When the Sahabah heard of how the man
changed, Rasul Allah (SAW) taught them. “Verily the example of myself, you and
this Bedouin is that of a man who had his camel run away. The townspeople tried
capturing the camel for him by running and shouting after the camel, only
driving it further away. The man would shout, ‘Leave me and my camel, I know my
camel better.’ Then he took some grass in his hand, ruffled it in front of the
camel, until it came willingly.
‘By Allah, had I left you to this Bedouin,
you would have hit him, hurt him, he would have left without Islam and
eventually have entered hellfire.”
“I win and you lose!”
A Muslim should not have an apologetic stance to everything he
is confronted with. There are times when the truth must be said, when there is
no room for flattery.
When the Makhzoomi woman – a woman from an
affluent family – stole, people approached Rasul Allah SAW) to have her
punishment canceled. Rasul Allah (SAW) became very angry and stood on the pulpit
and announced, “By Allah, had Fatima the daughter of Muhammad stole I would have
cut her hand off.”
No room for flattery, the truth must be stood up for. It is here
that the etiquette of disagreement that we talked earlier about should
shine.
“I win and you win!”
There doesn’t always have to be a loser. We see in many cases
that Rasul Allah (SAW) gave a way out for the people he differed
with.
When he sent the letter to Caesar, he said in it, “Become Muslim
and you shall be safe, Allah shall give you your reward double!”
He did not say surrender or die! Nothing of the sort. Become
Muslim and you shall win, rather your victory shall be double.
I shall end with this shining example of how to act with other
Muslims from our role model, Abu Bakr (RA):
Abu Bakr (RA) once disputed with another companion about
a tree. During the dispute Abu Bakr (RA) said something that he rather would not
have said. He did not curse, he did not attack someone’s honor, he did not poke
a fault in anyone, all he said was something that may have hurt the other
companion’s feelings.
Immediately, Abu Bakr (RA) – understanding the mistake -
ordered him, “Say it back to me!” The companion said, “I shall not say it back.”
“Say it back to me,” said Abu Bakr (RA), “Or I shall complain to the Messenger
of Allah (SAW).” The companion refused to say it back and went on his
way.
Abu Bakr (RA) went to Rasul Allah (SAW) and related what
had happened and what he said. Rasul Allah (SAW) called that companion and asked
him, “Did Abu Bakr (RA) say so and so to you?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “What
did you reply.” He said, “I did not reply it back to him.” Rasul Allah (SAW)
said, “Good, do not reply it back to him (do not hurt Abu Bakr (RA)). Rather
say, ‘May Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr!’”
The Companion turned to Abu Bakr (RA) and said, “May
Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr! May Allah forgive you O Abu Bakr!” Abu Bakr (RA)
turned and cried as he walked away.
Let us leave today with a resolve to
revive this air Rasul Allah (SAW) and his companions (RA) breathed, an air of
mercy and love and brotherhood