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The day is etched in my memory as an
indelible mark. 7âO clock in the morning. My 8-month-old demon was
inconsolable after keeping us awake the larger part of the night. My maasi
hadnât been turning up since two days. Laundry was piled high; no more
clean nappies to use. At the college, the first day of the degree session.
Above all this, the constant angry screaming. As my son threw up on the
bed sheets, I gave up. With the little nightmare squirming in my arms I
called up my boss to inform her that I will not be showing up for the day.
She blew up on me, reprimanding me on my inefficency and slackness. I
banged the phone on her. As if that wasnât enough, my husband came in to
say his byes for the day. His shining morning face, starched white shirt
and more so the fact that he could afford to leave this mess behind,
filled me up to my throat with resentment. Heaven under my feet. Fat lot
of good thatâll do to me now.
When Shakespeare said âthere was
method in this madnessâ he must be mad! There was no method in this
madness. But the time the great bard spoke of the âsea-changeâ he was
right. My life did suffer a sea change. With Rayan my first born (and
only, I silently swear) born.
This was my day. These were my
thoughts. As a working mother the tedium of my life has increased hundred
folds. Before Rayan was born, my days were perfect, my nights wereâwell,
nights full of sleep.
My life was made more miserable because I
happen to be a person you may call a perfectionist: I do things my way. I
break down if I see a speck of dust on the sideboard. I freak out when I
see a magazine lying on the sofa (magazines should be on the rack always).
I get up in the middle of the night to straighten a cushion I forgot about
during the day. For my Maasi I am a terror.
But hey, all that is a
thing of the past. As I look around to decide where to begin, first things
first; gritting my teeth to put my terror to sleep, I grab him in my arms
and lo and behold! Something in me melts. His bright black eyes lure me to
love him. O what a wily creature a child is! Even if he takes a good hour
and a half to finally let the lids fall on those black pools of
enticement. Staring at him in disbelief as he sleeps sweetly in his cot
waves of relief pass over meââIs this the face that launched a thousand
ships and burnt the topless towers of Ileum?â Marlowe whispers tome from
Dr. Faustus. How far away it sounds! Art, Literature, painting, musicâall
pursuits of free time gone out of the window!
Since Rayan invaded
my life, he became a cruel conqueror, destroying my privacy, defeating me
with his charming ways.
Who says children are helpless? It is us
mothers who are helpless against them. They are a relentless lot â loving
you and maddening you at the same time.
Look at me; never was there
a more willing, more ecstatic a captive than me. I go weak at the knees
when he smiles at me. I actually understood the idiom music to my ears
when he gurgled at me. I am nuts over him.
And yet at least five
times a day I have to curb the urge of running away from it all and hiding
under the bed for the rest of my life. Or at least hibernating until he
grows up!
He is both an angel and a devil. But what am I? A
lunatic, a paradox or simply a working mother. Believe me Iâve never been
the one thatâs a child doter, definitely not a baby person. And yet when
Rayan was born I could neither understand not handle my new feelings for
him. Even now I am not one of those mothers who donât forgive people for
not gushing over their children. I have never gushed over anybodyâs! Still
great tides of pride wash over me whenever somebody exclaims âwhat a
beautiful boy!â Its so embarrassing this motherhood. Umm you know what I
mean; one feels quite unbearably like a show off.
My husband thinks
my tastes have deteriorated. I enjoy cartoons, my vocab. is full of baby
talk, I am a compulsive nursery rhyme singer and my adult conversation
revolves around nappy changes and weaning foods. Even shopping means
jumping in and out of baby shops. The saving grace is that despite all
this he thinks Iâve become more beautiful after Rayan. Now thatâs where I
respect his views.
Frankly, no self-respecting individual should
let this happen to her. This maternal instinct destroys her personality. I
used to detest mothers and housewives who couldnât stop talking about how
angelic their children and how devilish their husbands were. That is why I
want to hang on to my career (or my sanity). Even if it means a trifle
more fatigue, juggling jobs and home, and a lot more worry. But thatâs my
prerogative. It gives me a great feeling to know that I have an option. I
can, too, like my husband go out and forget about it for a while. And when
I return I can enjoy my Rayan more. This way we both value each other
more, too.
It is not easy to be a working mother. There are so many
people to thank for. My god, my parents â who made it possible for me to
continue my job by babysitting in for Rayan- my husband for being so
supportive, my doctor for always being there â when I was losing it in the
labor and to all those people who prayed for us.
And most of all,
my colleagues at my department, who stick it out with me when I fall
short. And for compromising without me in times of crisis. I cherish them
so much because I have come across people who refuse to understand the
multiple demands on a working mother and who often have branded me as
unprofessional. That is why I have always done my best for my
understanding colleagues.
So thank you God for making me a mother.
And thank you people for letting me be a working
one!
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And
those who strive in Our (cause),- We will certainly guide them to our
Paths(29:69)
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{Invite (mankind, O Muhammad ) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided.}
(Holy Quran-16:125)
{And who is better in speech than he who [says: "My Lord is Allah (believes in His Oneness)," and then stands straight (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allah's (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: "I am one of the Muslims."} (Holy Quran-41:33)
The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "By Allah, if Allah guides one person by you, it is better for you than the best types of camels." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslim]
The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said, "Whoever calls to guidance will have a reward similar to the reward of the one who follows him, without the reward of either of them being lessened at all."
[Muslim, Ahmad, Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee, at-Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah]
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