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From: ABC 123
Sent: Thursday, May 26, 2005 4:42 PM
Subject: 7 Tips on Talking to Kids About Homosexuality
7 Tips on Talking to Kids About
Homosexuality
And Lot! (Remember) when he said unto
his folk: Will ye commit abomination such as no creature ever did before
you?
Lo! ye come with lust unto men instead of women. Nay, but ye are
wanton folk. (Quran: 7:80-81)
It's hard enough trying to explain topics
like menstruation and sexual intercourse from the Islamic perspective to
kids.But this is not where sex education can end.
Homosexuality has
gained greater acceptance as an alternative lifestyle in the last 10 to 20
years in North America. Not only has this mentality affected adults-it is now
affecting kids' way of looking at the gay lifestyle as well.
Public
school sex education, under the rubric of Family Life Education generally
teaches an acceptance of homosexuality, a respect and/or tolerance for it. As is
the case with sex education in general, there is little to no moral guidance on
the topic. Just a neutral presentation.
Homosexuality, like others
matters pertaining to sexuality, is openly discussed in the Quran and Sunnah. We
have no excuse as Muslim parents, teachers, community leaders and individuals
not to clearly discuss this issue with our kids.
In view of this, Sound
Vision has asked Muslim counselor Shahina Siddiqui, Islamic activist and author
Ahmad Sakr, and former Islamic school principal Abdalla Idris Ali how Muslims
can discuss the issue of homosexuality from the Islamic perspective. Below are
some of their suggestions.
Tip #1: Clearly outline
what is homosexual behavior
This can be uncomfortable, but a
young Muslim, even one who attends Islamic school, most probably has heard
about itfrom television, newspapers, radio, and/or non-Muslim
friends.
This is also important because in many Muslim cultures, it is
not uncommon to find people of the same sex kissing on the cheeks, hugging, or
holding hands. None of these actions are deemed sexual in any way. So this is
why a child must not confuse real Halal affection between his brothers or her
sisters, versus deviant sexual behavior.
In this regard, it may help to
read up on the topic a bit before venturing to explain what it is.
Tip #2: Tell them what Islam says about homosexuality, with
wisdom
To just say it is Haram, will not usually satisfy
Muslim children, especially those who are used to questioning, discussion, and
debate.
One point that has to be emphasized is that since Allah is the
Creator of human beings, Who created us out of nothing, He knows best what our
true needs and desires are. He also knows what is good and bad for us. He sees
everything, knows everything and is the wisest and most Merciful. Therefore, the
fact that He is telling us that homosexuality is wrong , just as He tells us
consuming alcohol is wrong, for example, means that we must heed His
warning.
This can be explained in another way. For instance, if
13-year-old Hassan dreams of having his own car, particularly a cherry red
Corvette, one day Insha Allah, you can use his interest in cars to explain
homosexuality like this: who knows what makes the Corvette tick, what causes its
engine problems or how often it needs to get a tune up? Obviously the people who
manufacture the Corvette, and who have provided its instruction manual to
guarantee it runs as smoothly as possible, with little to no problems. The
manufacturers of the Corvette also know what kinds of things a driver or owner
of the car should not do to cause the car damage or
destruction.
Similarly, Allah has created us, He is our Maker. He knows
what makes us tick. He knows what can improve our bodies and minds and those
things that can destroy them. He has provided not just an instruction manual
(the Quran), but also a model to follow (The Prophet Muhammad, peace and
blessings be upon him). If we trust the people who have manufactured the
Corvette, then why can't we trust Allah?
What can also be done is to
explain the harms associated with homosexuality. Some of these, says Siddiqui,
include diseases like AIDS, the fact that this kind of sexual relationship does
nothing to advance human civilization even in terms of population (in other
words, homosexuals do not even procreate).
This point is important
because one of the main aims of sex is to produce children in order to continue
human life. Homosexuality does not yield any children. It is a relationship
purely for the sake of pleasure, which is not only unnatural, but leads to
disease and death.
As well, provide references from the Quran in your
discussion on the Islamic position. Ahmad Sakr gives the following:
Tip #3: Get them to write a paper or do an assignment
about it
If Aminah or Saeed are in their teens, get them to
research the topic and write a paper on homosexuality, suggests Idris Ali.
Provide books that give the Islamic perspective. This is a good way for them to
grasp the concept, and who knows, maybe in the course of their research they
will find another good reason homosexuality should not be
practiced.
Tip #4: Make it clear people are not
born that way
We're born that way, so deal with it, is the
mantra of a number of gays. This is not true.
They are putting the blame
on God, says Sakr. If it is true, why in the world does God have to send an
earthquake to the people of Lot in [the northern] part of Palestine, because
they were the first group of people who started committing
homosexuality.
If people were born to commit homosexual acts, Allah who
is most Merciful, would not have destroyed Prophet Lut's community. These people
had an opportunity to change. They did not, and Allah destroyed them. This is a
test Shaytan puts in our way.
Tip #5: Make the
distinction between desires and actions
It should be noted
that some people may have the desire to engage in homosexual sex, but that does
not mean they have acted on that. In Islam the punishment is for the act, not
the feelings.
Allah does not hold us responsible for our bad thoughts as
long as we don't act on them.
A Muslim who develops homosexual desires,
but does not act on them must fast and seek the sincere help and guidance of
Allah to turn away from this lifestyle. S/he must also not dwell on these kinds
of thoughts. Which leads to the next point.
Tip
#6: Emphasize the importance of Islamic practice in keeping these desires
away
The only way we can truly protect ourselves from
homosexuality, whether it is in the development of feelings, or in the actual
sexual practice of it is to always remember Allah.
This means following
the basics: prayers, fasting, Dua, etc. Even the basics done sincerely and
regularly can, Insha Allah, provide a fortress against Shaytan.
Sakr says
fasting in particular, is useful in controlling lust, and recommends doing so on
Mondays and Thursdays.
As well, we can point out that if a person is
having these desires, it can be a test from Allah, as well as an example of how
Shaytan tries to turn us away from Allah.
In addition, we should advise
ourselves and our kids to seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan by saying Aoutho
billahi minash Shaytan ir Rajeem (I seek refuge in Allah from Shaytan the
accursed) as well as reading Surah al Nas, the last Surah of the Quran, which
mentions the whispering of Shaytan.
Tip #7:
Emphasize the importance of and maintain Islamic rules of modesty, even with the
same sex
How many of us watch television shows replete with
sexual foreplay, titillation and innuendo? These types of innocent displays of
sexuality are dangerous, to say the least. They put wrong ideas into the mind
and are Haram for us to watch.
This is where lowering the gaze comes
in.
As well, maintaining an Islamic dress code even in front of the same
sex, is important. In Islam, for example, a man cannot see the body of another
man between the naval and knees.
Contrast this with high school gym
classes, where boys will often shower together, usually in complete nudity. The
same happens in girls' locker rooms. Parents and Muslim communities must be on
guard against these types of situations, which are not only dangerous to a young
Muslim's Islamic practice, but can also make them the prey of gays and/or
lesbians.
Another practice relating to modesty between brothers and
sisters is to have separate beds or bedrooms for brothers and sisters,
especially after the age of 10. Care should also be given to respecting the
privacy of both the same and opposite gender when changing clothes for example,
or in the shower. Permission should be sought before entering a room, where
someone may be in a state of undress.
www.soundvision.com
And
those who strive in Our (cause),- We will certainly guide them to our
Paths(29:69)
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{Invite (mankind, O Muhammad ) to the Way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Inspiration and the Qur'an) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His Path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided.}
(Holy Quran-16:125)
{And who is better in speech than he who [says: "My Lord is Allah (believes in His Oneness)," and then stands straight (acts upon His Order), and] invites (men) to Allah's (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: "I am one of the Muslims."} (Holy Quran-41:33)
The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "By Allah, if Allah guides one person by you, it is better for you than the best types of camels." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslim]
The prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said, "Whoever calls to guidance will have a reward similar to the reward of the one who follows him, without the reward of either of them being lessened at all."
[Muslim, Ahmad, Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee, at-Tirmidhee, Ibn Maajah]
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