I would like to know if it is haram to be in love with
someone other than your spouse?
I was inlove with someone that I could not be married
to because of our families. However, I am married now
to someone else, yet I still feel love for the other
person. I feel that I should be married to the one I
love. I always think of that person even during
intimate moments with my spouse and I feel I am being
untruthful and unfare to this marriage. I have tried
for the past two years (since I've been married) to
forget about that person and move on. I understand
that to be in love or fall in love with someone other
than your spouse in baseless according to Islam. But
what shall a person do when facing this dilema? How do
I achieve control over my emotions? Please understand
that I have no communication or contact with the one
I'm inlove with. We have not spoken since before my
wedding 2 years ago. Your detailed answer will be
greatly appreciated and helpful!
InshAllah...Aslamalakum
ANSWER
There are two types of love: voluntary and
involuntary.
The involuntary love is where there is a feeling of
love in the heart. But
one does not cultivate or pursue this feeling. One
tries to ignore this
feeling but it causes pain. For this pain, one will be
rewarded. The more
one makes Sabr, uses one intellect and understands
that it is not practical
to follow the demands of this love, then one is
drawing closer to Allah Ta'
ala due to the Sabr (patience) one is adopting.
The second type of love is voluntary. After
experiencing the feeling of love
in the heart, one contemplates about the beloved one.
To have this type of
love for someone besides one's wife is sinful. It is
sinful to intentionally
fantasise about this other woman. If at the time of
intimacy with one;s
wife, one fantasises about this other woman, then you
will be considered to
be making Zina. You will get the sin of Zina because
of your intentions
while your wife will get no sin.
The solution is to ignore this love in the heart. Do
not contemplate or
fantasise about this person and avoid contact with
her. If any thought about
this woman involuntarily enters the mind, ignore it.
Ignoring it causes you
pain then make Sabr, for which you will be highly
rewarded. If you pass away
in this state, then, Insha Allah, you will receive the
reward of one who was
martyred in the path of Allah Ta'ala.
Make Du'aa unto Allah Ta'ala to replace the love of a
mortal with his
eternal love. May Allah Ta'ala grant us all his true
love, Aameen.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
FATWA DEPT.
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