The Comic War Between America and Iran
03/ 05/ 2007
http://en.rian.ru/analysis/20070503/64838548.html
MOSCOW. (RIA Novosti political commentator Pyotr Romanov) - I used to think
football was the silliest pretext for war. I am talking about the Football War,
also known as the Soccer War or the 100-hours War, a six-day conflict fought by
El Salvador and Honduras in 1969. First football fans clashed on the field, and
then the two countries took up arms.
I was wrong: Iran has decided to outdo the Latin Americans. Their fury has
been fuelled by "300," a recent American movie supposedly telling "the true
story of 300 elite Spartan warriors led by their fearless king Leonidas, who
repel the charge of Xerxes and his massive Persian army at the battle of
Thermopylae" in 480 B.C.
Iran's cultural attache in Moscow, Mehdi Imanipour, said at a news conference
at RIA Novosti that "the movie is provoking a confrontation and will most
likely lead to a war." But history cannot be rewritten, and the Spartans'
fearless confrontation with the Persians is part of it, even though modern
Iranians may chastise the movie "for its monstrous portrayal of Ancient
Persians" and denounce it as "American psychological warfare against Iran."
On the other hand, it is true that the movie has little connection to real
history. I suspect that the Iranian cultural attache has not seen the movie,
which is an adaptation of the graphic novel "300" by Frank Miller, and is only
a fictional account of the Battle of Thermopylae. Everyone knows that comic
books are not serious literature. If they were, we would be crossing swords
over Superman.
"300" is one more horror movie shot for teenagers with an incredible number
of dead bodies, just another movieland make-believe. The goal of producers is
to profit from teenagers' desire to kill time without bothering them with too
many true facts. This is exactly what the movie about the 300 Spartans is. Its
producers and directors did not make it to annoy modern Iranians.
I observed the audience's reactions in the darkened movie theater and can
tell you that the scandal I was expecting did not materialize. Teenagers
watched the muscular Spartans and the effeminate Persians with incredible body
piercing equally eagerly. One of them wrote on the Net: "Xerxes could have
chosen a better tactic, but he probably lost what control he had of his mind
when he had his piercing done. This is probably why he threw his army against
the half-dressed Spartans so mindlessly."
I wonder why Greece did not take offence at "half-dressed Spartans" while
Iran was infuriated by "the effeminate Persians"? Maybe the Greeks have a sense
of humor, while the Iranians' seems to have been badly injured by the continued
confrontation with Washington.
Mr. Imanipour said without a hint of irony that the movie could lead to "an
ethnic clash." With whom? Americans? But the United States did not exist as a
country during Xerxes' time. And then, what ethnicity is an ordinary U.S. GI?
Maybe the cultural attache meant Greeks? But the Spartans became extinct long
ago.
Besides, there are problems with the "Persians" in the movie too, because
Xerxes' army consisted mainly of mercenaries. His Mydian cavalry was made up of
Kurds, his fleet was manned by Phoenicians and Egyptians, and the majority of
the foot soldiers were lightly armed archers from Central Asia and javelin
throwers from the eastern Mediterranean. There were also Parthians,
Khorezmians, Bactrians, Arabs, Ethiopians, Thracians, and people from the small
nations of the Caucasus.
Mr. Imanipour did not say if the descendants of these nations would attack
Hollywood for inciting ethnic strife. Personally, I don't think so.
The Iranian diplomat said the movie producers had portrayed Xerxes as the
embodiment of evil. Well, although the Spartans were no vegetarians either, it
is a historical fact that it was Persia that attacked Greece, and not vice
versa. Didn't Mr. Imanipour know that? If the movie is indeed part of the
Americans' "psychological warfare against Iran," they have won it, judging by
Tehran's reaction. For what can be more comical than fighting a character from
the comics?
However, I think there is a simpler explanation. Tehran is nervous and
therefore taking minor things too seriously. It has overrated its nuclear
achievements, promised to erase a member state of the UN from the face of
earth, and begun an absurd war against movie characters.
Everything has a beginning and an end. Iran's arguments have come to an end,
and its negotiating partners have become tired. The next meeting of the UN
Security Council on Iran, scheduled for late May, might approve additional
sanctions against it. You can say that Iran will survive them, just as it
survived previous sanctions. But what will it do after that? This is where the
endless comic-book battle really becomes boring.
The opinions expressed in this article are the author's and do not
necessarily represent those of RIA Novosti.
AB
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
"For to us
will be their return; then it will be for us to call them to account." (Holy
Quran 88:25-26)
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