abusaajid syed mohammed <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
HELPING YOURSELF HELP OTHERS
Salma Sanwari
Most Muslim Women understand the meaning of the Hollywood-popularized saying,
"Pay it forward," doing kindness to others in need because someone did good to
you when you were in straits. Long before Benjamen Franklin explained the
concept to Benjamin Webb in an April 1784 letter, apparently having given him a
no-pay loan, the Quran enshrined an even higher charitable spirit in the
wonderfully lofty notion of "giving for the Sake of God".:
"And (know that) whatever good you (believers) spend, it is for (the good of)
your own souls. So whatever you spend (in charity), do so seeking only the
Face of God. Thus whatever good you spend shall be rendered to you in full-and
never shall you be wronged (in the least)------ Those who spend their wealth
(for the sake of God), by night and by day, secretly and openly they shall
have their reward with their Lord. And there shall be no fear upon them (when
they assemble for judgment). Nor shall they ever grieve lover the life of the
world)" (2:272-274).
Many Muslim women practice this daily. We know some who virtually live to do
good for others volunteering at their children's school, visiting the sick
and newborn, carpooling and cooking for friends in need. We all know them
because at one time or another we all become one of them.
We are women who care for others while managing to look after ourselves and
the sacred trusts that are ours. But how do we find that gentle balance
between caring for others and ourselves without going to an extreme on either
end? How do we toe that tender line between bestowing unto others and
ourselves, between giving and getting?
Balancing Between Others And Ourselves:
Women, I think, find particular happiness in doing for others. We bake a
cake for someone who just had a baby and feel good. We pick up the children of
a mom busier than ourselves with a sense of pleasure. We offer an attentive ear
to a sad friend and grow comforted ourselves. There is so much we can do for
our friends and family in every day, little favors and extras that make someone
else's life a little lighter.
Most of us are overwhelmed with our own work, school, children and family,
but still make the time and put the energy into a considerable amount of
thinking about yet others. We know what it means to go above and beyond what
we consider our simple duty. It is our Muslim obligation to be good to our
neighbors, for instance. But so many of us go further and knock on our
neighbor's door every few days to be sure she is well and to see if she has a
need we might help out with.
Islam binds us to due civic responsibility. But many Muslim women take
considerable time out to volunteer for community service in programs at the
local masjid or school, cleaning up the neighborhood, or working on charitable
drives for the poor. Many among us donate toys and gifts to local hospitals to
cheer up children. And how many of us wear a perpetual smile, making everyone
who sees us happier and calmer.
But what happens when we have to decide between doing for ourselves and
someone else? The answer might seem easy: Do for yourself and then your
sister. Airline attendants tell us to apply our own oxygen masks in an
emergency before assisting anyone else. This makes perfect sense. We can not
be much help to others if we can not breathe ourselves. This can be true in
our day-to-day lives, as well. If we are not fair to ourselves with proper
care, we won't be able to adequately meet the needs of others for very long.
And that's bad all the way around.
So it makes sense to take time out to tend to our own emotional,
intellectual, spiritual, physical, and even imaginative needs-if for no other
reason than to recuperate to better serve others!.
Here are eight things you can do, sister, to give you that replenishing
cognitive, affective, or devotional pick-me-up. When we are pressed for time
(meaning always), take a little relieving time out, comfort yourself, and
depressurize.
Nurturing "ME-TIME"
1. Do Something Just For You: Take a long, hot bath. Read a good
book.
Take a walk by yourself (no strollers!).
2. Get Physical: Do something that's going to make you feel good
because it's making you look better!: Exercise. Get a massage or facial. Get
your haircut. Take time to make a knock-out salata lunch. Then sit down and
dig in.
3. Visit A Friend: Go see someone you love to be with, not have to
attend.
4. Halal Indulge! No excess, just get some good, wholesome pleasure.
Sometimes, the smallest delights bring on the biggest smiles. So, next time
you're to the market, detour to the candy store and get that piece of chocolate
you've been dreaming of (and don't feel guilty). Or stop at the coffee shop
between the dry cleaners and the grocery store and grab your favorite bean.
It's okay to treat yourself now and then to a small luxury that you usually
don't feel you have the time or money for. It'll remind you of your own worth
and everyone else's.
Calm Your Life-Calm Your Spirit:
The prior four commandments are quick and easy pick-me-ups. But if you want
more durable elevation, you need to modify your life a bit, "de-stress" for the
long haul. These changes will actually make it easier for you to get on with
your personal mission of helping others. Try this:
1. Rest Well. Get the sleep you need at night. If you
are not well rested, you'll feel moody and sluggish in the day. That makes you
less likely to be effective in your efforts to aid others. But most of us
require less sleep than we think. Too much makes you groggy. When you surface
in the dark, don't just sink back. Remember Allah. Get up. Make wudhu, and
offer a few rak'ahs.
2. Eat Right: Don't charge so hard that you forget to eat
healthy. Many moms snack because they don't have time to eat daily, balanced
meals. Change this and find yourself more energetic, healthier, and better
role models.
3. Be Comfortable. Wear comfortable clothing that makes you
feel good not slouchy. This 'll give you that spring in your step that you just
can't get if you're off in a mad dash, haphazard and unkempt.
4. Organize Your Good Deeds. Don't let life overwhelm you.
Be methodical and strategic about what needs to get done. Then check it off.
Accomplishment is rewarding in itself. It creates a natural high that
motivates moving on to the next task. This is the secret big "mo" that keeps
most women giving and giving. It's a "circle of life kind of thing".
5. Schedule Devotional Remembrance. At the end of the day
(or in the beginning or middle) show Allah gratitude for the opportunities.
He's afforded you. He gave you the chance to do good unto someone. Now
remember He will reward you for it, to boot! So show thankfulness to Him for
the health, wealth, strength, will, energy, and time that Allah gave you that
helps you to be able to do all that you do-and, for His Sake alone.
(Courtesy: Al Jumuah Magazine
O Allah! Guide us, make our intentions sincere, accept our deeds, answer our
prayers, and make us of those who are patient.
