Thanks Kevin. We do control both clients, and we actually do a similar thing with roster invites (the other client listens and auto accepts the "to" subscription). Presumably the to for that IQ would be their room JID, i.e. jdev@jabber.org/Kevin which is available to you? 

On 25 Feb, 2011,at 09:20 AM, Kevin Smith <ke...@kismith.co.uk> wrote:

On Fri, Feb 25, 2011 at 9:17 AM, Michael McCarthy
<michaelcmccar...@me.com> wrote:
> Sorry, I wasn't very explicit there, my mistake. This is within the context
> of an application we've written where users probably aren't aware they are
> using XMPP or what a JID is. But I like the pragmatism of the approach below
> : )

If you control the clients at both ends, you can have them respond to
e.g. <iq to=...><whatsyourjid xmlns="..."/></iq> and do the user-less
equivalent to Peter's suggestion. Understanding whatever privacy
issues this brings to your application.

/K
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