Using Cows to explain Different Types of Government FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you. PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if youvote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything. REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk. SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment. MALAYSIAN DEMOCRACY: __________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________ PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and putsthem in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of allthe cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes themand puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared forby ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens thegovernment took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you asmuch milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need. PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates whatyou can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not tomilk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other andpours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out formsaccounting for the missing cows.. ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows. CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to yourpublicly - listed company, using letters of credit opened by yourbrother - in - law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap withassociated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a taxdeduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows aretransferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands companysecretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to allseven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report saysthat the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shiu is bad. ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them. FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf. TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned. COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man. You got to have some of this milk. SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. LIBERTARIANISM: You have two cows. One has actually read theconstitution, believes in it, and has some really good ideas aboutgovernment. The cow runs for office, and while most people agree thatthe cow is the best candidate, nobody except the other cow votes forher because they think it would be "throwing their vote away."
