|
this set me
thinking.......
Nellie
:-)
Although this isn't a popular subject, it really needs to be
discussed.
I am talking about taking sole responsibility for the
direction your
life takes.
It's all to easy for us to point our
fingers at someone and blame them
for the state of things around us, our
unhappiness, our mess, our
bills, our clutter - and yes, they may
contribute, but ultimately, the
responsibility is yours and yours
alone. Let me explain the reason I
say this. It's simple.
You can't change anyone but yourself.
If your life is going to get
better, you are going to have to do
something about it yourself. It
won't do you any good to sit around
and blame everyone else for the
mess. It may be entirely someone
else's doing, but what are the
options? You can change the way you
handle it and that's it.
For instance, if the messy offender is a child you can change YOUR
training tactics. YOU can change the circumstances that will motivate
the child to change. YOU can manipulate the consequences. YOU
can
implement rewards. YOU can adjust privledges. YOU can
motivate by
your actions, but I doubt yelling and threatening are going to
do any
good. Children learn quickly how to tune things out, but they
learn
just as quickly that they don't like discomfort.
Let's
say you make a rule that anything left out in the living room at
bedtime is
yours for "X" amount of time. They learn rather fast that
they like
their shoes, walkman, or whatever.
If the sloppy one is an adult,
YOU can figure out the "whys" and "hows"
of why something is unorganized and
work to help the person be able to
keep up. You can change the
surroundings, but you CANNOT change the
person. We get real hung-up on
this point.
I can hear you yelling at me, "WHY DO I HAVE TO WORK TO COVER
FOR MY
SPOUSE'S BAD HABITS?" You don't. You can leave things as
they are and
hope they will change. (They won't). You can keep telling
the person
to pick up after themselves. (Why should it be any different this
time
than the last 50 times you asked?) See, you can't change a
person, but
you can change the circumstances. This is love in
action. This is
marriage at it's best - seeing the weaknesses of
another and then
giving them a helping hand.
Some things have simple
solutions. One woman I am organizing for has a
husband that likes to
just lay things down anywhere, and I mean
anywhere. He likes to dig
and shuffle through things and is highly
uncomfortable with everything in
its little cubby-hole. She, on the
other hand, likes everything
labeled and in its little place and can't
stand the way he fills up every
horizontal space and empty knick-knack.
How did we reach a workable
solution that would keep them both happy
and sane? I suggested we get
some small storage boxes and "roughly"
sort things into them. Then, we
stacked them and labeled each one with
a general category. He can
still dig around, and things are orderly
enough not to drive her
crazy. So far it's working. I can tell you
that 30 years has not
been enough time for her to change him. It's
against his nature - so
does she keep harping, yelling, crying,
despairing, etc. etc. etc.?
Does she take a "Why should *I* be the one
to change" attitude? Or
does she find a workable solution? Since she
is the one being bothered
as things are (her husband would be very
happy to live in chaos) she needs
to take the responsibility for change
- which she happily has by hiring
me.
If you are bothered, then do something about it! Planning and
action
is what it takes. Harping or getting mad won't get you far, but
figuring out how to work with family members and then making those
changes will put an end to the clutter. They may even decide they like
things and get into the program themselves, but first, someone is going
to have to get the ball rolling, and that someone is YOU.
Still love
me?
Sondra
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