|
---------
"When brought to meaning, all importance becomes small, as in death,
all life seems nothing. Knowing is destroyed by thinking,
distilled into
knowledge"
William Wharton, "Birdy"
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, February 25, 2000 17:43
Subject: Genesis
GENESIS OF A DBA UNIVERSE
IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE DISK ARRAY, AND ALL WAS
EMPTY
AND RAW, AND UNIX MOVED OVER THE FACE OF THE
PLATTERS.
AND THE DBA SAID: LET THERE BE ORACLE.
AND THERE WAS
ORACLE. AND THE ENVIRONMENTAL
VARIABLES WERE SET AND
THE DISKS WERE STRIPED AND
MIRRORED AND THE OFA WAS
ESTABLISHED, AND BEHOLD
SPINDLE WAS RENT ASUNDER FROM
SPINDLE. AND THE DBA
SAW THAT ALL WAS IN SPEC.
AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE FIRST DAY.
AND THE DBA SAID: LET
THERE BE SCRIPTS. AND SQL.BSQ
BROUGHT FORTH MYRIAD
CRAWLING THINGS UPON THE FACE OF
THE ARRAY. AND
CATALOG.SQL BROUGHT FORTH ALL MANNER OF
TABLES AND
VIEWS THAT SWIM UNSEEN BENEATH THE WATERS.
AND
CATPROC.SQL BROUGHT FORTH ALL THE BUILT-IN
PROGRAMS AND ALL THE HOSTS OF THE AIR, THAT THE USERS
MIGHT BE GIVEN WINGS AND TAKE FIGHT OVER THE DATA.
AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS
EVENING OF THE SECOND DAY.
AND THE DBA SAID: LET THERE BE TABLEPACES. AND THERE
WERE TABLESPACES. AND THE NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR
LOOKED
UPON THE DISK ARRAY AND DID SEE WHAT THE
TABLESPACES
HAD WROUGHT UPON THE DISK ARRAYS, AND
HE DID GNASH HIS
TEETH AND SEEK A NEW WORK UPON
THE INTERNET WITH AN
ENGINE OF SEARCH.
AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS
EVENING OF THE THIRD DAY.
AND THE DBA CREATED USERS. MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED
THEM. AND HE SAID UNTO THE USERS: THOU MAYEST
CREATE
TABLES AND VIEWS AS THOU WILT. YEA, THOUGH
MAYEST
CREATE EVEN INDEXES UPON THE DATA. ONLY
MEDDLE NOT
WITH THE SYSTEM TABLESPACE, FOR IT IS A
HOLY PLACE,
AND ON THE DAY WHEREIN THOU TREADEST
UPON IT, ON THAT
DAY THY CREATE SESSION SHALL
SURELY BE REVOKED. AND
THE SERPENT CREPT AMONG THE
USERS AND WHISPERED TO
THEM, SAYING: THINE ROLES
SHALL NOT BE REVOKED. TASTE
YE ALL OF THE
SYSTEM TABLESPACE, FOR YE SHALL KNOW OF
B-TREES
AND HINTS AND YE SHALL BE AS DBAS. AND THE
USERS
HEEDED THE SERPENT AND FILLED THE SYSTEM
TABLESPACE WITH CRAP. AND THE INSTANCE DID CRASH AND
THE CLIENT DID WAX WROTH AT THE DBA. AND THE DBA
DID
GNASH HIS TEETH AND PARTAKE OF THE FRUIT OF
THE VINE,
FOR BEHOLD THE USERS WERE PERMANENT
EMPLOYEES AND THE
DBA WAS BUT A CONTRACTOR AND
COULD NOT REVOKE THEIR
CREATE SESSION.
AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS
EVENING OF THE FOURTH DAY.
AND THE DBA DID SET DEFAULT TABLESPACES AND TEMPORARY
TABLESPACES AND DID LOCK DOWN ALL THAT WAS UPON
THE
FACE OF THE ARRAY WITH ROLES AND PROFILES AND
ALL
MANNER OF QUOTAS, YEA EVEN FROM THE ROLLBACK
SEGMENTS
EVEN UNTO THE ARCHIVED REDO LOGS.
AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS
EVENING OF THE FIFTH DAY.
AND THE DBA CREATED SYNONYMS AND LINKS AND DID TUNE
THE SERVER AND APPLY PATCHES UPON THE FACE OF THE
DATABASE.
AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE SIXTH DAY.
AND ON THE SEVENTH DAY THE
DBA DID REST FROM ALL THE
LABORS OF THE CREATION.
AND HIS PAGER DID RING AND HE
CEASED FROM RESTING
AND DID SPEND HIS SABBATH ON THE
TELEPHONE WITH
ORACLE SUPPORT. AND BY THE TIME THE DBA
GOT
THROUGH TO SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHEROF THEY SPAKE
BEHOLD IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE EIGHTH
DAY.
AND THE DBA WAXED WROTH.
- Christopher Gait
|
