Title: Genesis
 
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"When brought to meaning, all importance becomes small, as in death,
all life seems nothing. Knowing is destroyed by thinking,
distilled into knowledge"
 
                                                 William Wharton, "Birdy"
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Friday, February 25, 2000 17:43
Subject: Genesis

GENESIS OF A DBA UNIVERSE
 
 IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE DISK ARRAY, AND ALL WAS EMPTY
 AND RAW, AND UNIX MOVED OVER THE FACE OF THE PLATTERS.
 AND THE DBA SAID: LET THERE BE ORACLE. AND THERE WAS
 ORACLE. AND THE ENVIRONMENTAL VARIABLES WERE SET AND
 THE DISKS WERE STRIPED AND MIRRORED AND THE OFA WAS
 ESTABLISHED, AND BEHOLD SPINDLE WAS RENT ASUNDER FROM
 SPINDLE. AND THE DBA SAW THAT ALL WAS IN SPEC.
 
 AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE FIRST DAY.
 
 AND THE DBA SAID: LET THERE BE SCRIPTS. AND SQL.BSQ
 BROUGHT FORTH MYRIAD CRAWLING THINGS UPON THE FACE OF
 THE ARRAY. AND CATALOG.SQL BROUGHT FORTH ALL MANNER OF
 TABLES AND VIEWS THAT SWIM UNSEEN BENEATH THE WATERS.
 AND CATPROC.SQL BROUGHT FORTH ALL THE BUILT-IN
 PROGRAMS AND ALL THE HOSTS OF THE AIR, THAT THE USERS
 MIGHT BE GIVEN WINGS AND TAKE FIGHT OVER THE DATA.
 
 AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE SECOND DAY.
 
 AND THE DBA SAID: LET THERE BE TABLEPACES. AND THERE
 WERE TABLESPACES. AND THE NETWORK ADMINISTRATOR LOOKED
 UPON THE DISK ARRAY AND DID SEE WHAT THE TABLESPACES
 HAD WROUGHT UPON THE DISK ARRAYS, AND HE DID GNASH HIS
 TEETH AND SEEK A NEW WORK UPON THE INTERNET WITH AN
 ENGINE OF SEARCH.
 
 AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE THIRD DAY.
 
 AND THE DBA CREATED USERS. MALE AND FEMALE HE CREATED
 THEM. AND HE SAID UNTO THE USERS: THOU MAYEST CREATE
 TABLES AND VIEWS AS THOU WILT. YEA, THOUGH MAYEST
 CREATE EVEN INDEXES UPON THE DATA. ONLY MEDDLE NOT
 WITH THE SYSTEM TABLESPACE, FOR IT IS A HOLY PLACE,
 AND ON THE DAY WHEREIN THOU TREADEST UPON IT, ON THAT
 DAY THY CREATE SESSION SHALL SURELY BE REVOKED. AND
 THE SERPENT CREPT AMONG THE USERS AND WHISPERED TO
 THEM, SAYING: THINE ROLES SHALL NOT BE REVOKED. TASTE
 YE  ALL OF THE SYSTEM TABLESPACE, FOR YE SHALL KNOW OF
 B-TREES AND HINTS AND YE SHALL BE AS DBAS. AND THE
 USERS HEEDED THE SERPENT AND FILLED THE SYSTEM
 TABLESPACE WITH CRAP. AND THE INSTANCE DID CRASH AND
 THE CLIENT DID WAX WROTH AT THE DBA. AND THE DBA DID
 GNASH HIS TEETH AND PARTAKE OF THE FRUIT OF THE VINE,
 FOR BEHOLD THE USERS WERE PERMANENT EMPLOYEES AND THE
 DBA WAS BUT A CONTRACTOR AND COULD NOT REVOKE THEIR
 CREATE SESSION.
 
 AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE FOURTH DAY.
 
 AND THE DBA DID SET DEFAULT TABLESPACES AND TEMPORARY
 TABLESPACES AND DID LOCK DOWN ALL THAT WAS UPON THE
 FACE OF THE ARRAY WITH ROLES AND PROFILES AND ALL
 MANNER OF QUOTAS, YEA EVEN FROM THE ROLLBACK SEGMENTS
 EVEN UNTO THE ARCHIVED REDO LOGS.
 
 AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE FIFTH DAY.
 
 AND THE DBA CREATED SYNONYMS AND LINKS AND DID TUNE
 THE SERVER AND APPLY PATCHES UPON THE FACE OF THE
 DATABASE.
 
 AND IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE SIXTH DAY.
 
 AND ON THE SEVENTH DAY THE DBA DID REST FROM ALL THE
 LABORS OF THE CREATION. AND HIS PAGER DID RING AND HE
 CEASED FROM RESTING AND DID SPEND HIS SABBATH ON THE
 TELEPHONE WITH ORACLE SUPPORT. AND BY THE TIME THE DBA
 GOT THROUGH TO SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHEROF THEY SPAKE
 BEHOLD IT WAS DAY AND IT WAS EVENING OF THE EIGHTH
 DAY.
 
 AND THE DBA WAXED WROTH.







- Christopher Gait

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