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----- Original Message -----
From: Anna Hristova
Sent: Thursday, February 17, 2000 14:16
Subject: da phun upgrade ----- Original Message -----
From: Roumen Ganeff
To: phunreaderz
Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2000 1:35 PM
Subject: da phun upgrade > Tech Support > ------------------------------------- > Dear Tech Support: > > Help!! Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed > that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting > software; severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry > applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of > this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband > 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, > CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs > such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and > ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably > crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run > DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 > to fix Husband 1.0, but this general purpose utility is of limited > effectiveness. > > Can you help, please!!!! > > Signed Jane > > Dear Jane: > > This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to > a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband > 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. > > However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator > to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband > 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do > this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 > to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. > > It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the > system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per > year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error > messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to > play some of their "old time "favorite applications, or to get new > applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or > Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than > encountered with Husband 1.0. > > Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support". You will notice > that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. > I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the > quirks of this strange and illogical system. > > Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the > entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a > wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent > company as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume > ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. > To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED > ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the > command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and > Flowers/Chocolates 7.8. > > TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create > additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\I > APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. > > Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse > yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to > create FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to > delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! > > Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all > GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all > the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it > does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. > Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally > recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, > these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. > After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will > find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling > 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6. > > A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install > MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause > selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only > Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled. > > I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband > 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in the coming > years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product! > > Sincerely, Tech Support > |
