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/* 
TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE ... 

1 - Windows 95 source: 

Subject: *** TOP SECRET MICROSOFT CODE *** 

Project: Version - Windows 95 

Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): 
*/


#include <nonsense.h> 
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */ 
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */ 


#define say(x) lie(x) 
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE 
#define next_year soon 
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version 



void main() 
{ 
        if (latest_window_version>one_month_old) 
        { 
                if (there_are_still_bugs) 
                        market(bugfix); 

                if (sales_drop_below_certain_point) 
                        raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
        } 

        while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) 
        { 
                make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in 
lie.h */ 

                if (rumours_grow_wilder) 
                        make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play); 

                if (rumours_grow_even_wilder) 
                { 
                        market_time=ripe; 
                        say("It will be ready in one month); 
                        order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version); 
                        order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version); 
                        order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense); 

                        vapourware=TRUE; 
                        break;
                }
        } 

        switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) 
        { 
                case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY: 
                        say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just 
testing"); 
                        break; 
                case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK: 
                        say("Yes it will work"); 
                        ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work); 
                        pretend(there_is_no_problem); 
                        break;
                case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS: 
                        say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to the 32 
bits architecture"); 
                        inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh"); 
                        inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant'cos all those 
customers will need at least 32 megs"); 
                        inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will 
triple"); 
                        get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM); 
                        break;
                case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE: 
                        say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for 
everyone"); 
                        register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book); 
                        when(time_is_ripe) 
                        { 
                                arrest(journalist); 
                                brainwash(journalist); 
                                when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree) 
                                { 
                                        order(journalist, "write a nice objective 
article"); 
                                        release (journalist);
                                }
                        } 
                        break;
        } 

        while (vapourware) 
        { 
                introduction_date++; /* Delay */ 
                
                if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release) 
                        break; 

                say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
        } 

        release(beta_version) 

        while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware) 
        { 
                bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks; 
                release(new_and_even_better_beta_version); 
                introduce(more_memory_requirements); 
                if (customers_report_installation_problems) 
                {        
                        say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem"); 
                        if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play) 
                        { 
                                ignore(customer); 
                                order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on 
this bastard");
                        }
                } 

                if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years ) 
                { 
                        divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her); 
                        wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks); 
                        marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); 
                        devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies); 
                        
                        if (boobies_start_to_hang) 
                                dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
                } 

                if (there_is_another_company) 
                { 
                        steal(their_ideas); 
                        accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas); 
                        hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */ 
                        wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit); 
                        buy_out(other_company);
                }
        } 

        /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at us */ 
        order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard); 
        buy(nice_little_island); 
        hire(harem); 
        laugh_at(everyone, 
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
} 


void bugfix(void) 
{ 
        charge (a_lot_of_money) 
        if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix) 
                say("It is not a bugfix but a new version"); 

        if (still_complaints) 
        { 
                ignore(customer); 
                register(customer, big_Bill_book); 
                /* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
        }
} 




/* 
2 - Windows 98 source: 

TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code 

Project: Chicago(tm) 

Projected release-date: MAY 1998 

$History$ 

*/ 

#include "win31.h" 
#include "win95.h" 
#include "evenmore.h" 
#include "oldstuff.h" 
#include "billrulz.h" 


#define INSTALL = HARD 


char make_prog_look_big[1600000]; 
void main() 
{ 
        while(!CRASHED) 
        { 
                display_copyright_message(); 
                display_bill_rules_message(); 
                do_nothing_loop(); 

                if (first_time_installation) 
                { 
                        make_50_megabyte_swapfile(); 
                        do_nothing_loop(); 
                        totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system(); 
                        search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2(); 
                        hang_system();
                } 

                write_something(anything); 
                display_copyright_message(); 
                do_nothing_loop(); 
                do_some_stuff(); 

                if (still_not_crashed) 
                { 
                        display_copyright_message(); 
                        do_nothing_loop(); 
                        basically_run_windows_3.1(); 
                        do_nothing_loop(); 
                        do_nothing_loop();
                }
        } 

        if (detect_cache()) 
                disable_cache(); 

        if (fast_cpu()) 
        { 
                set_wait_states(lots); 
                set_mouse(speed, very_slow); 
                set_mouse(action, jumpy); 
                set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
        } 

        /* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */ 
        /* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */ 
        printf("Welcome to Windows 98"); 

        if (system_ok()) 
                crash(to_dos_prompt); 
        else    
                system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp" O_CREATE); 

        while(something) 
        { 
                sleep(5); 
                get_user_input(); 
                sleep(5); 
                act_on_user_input(); 
                sleep(5);
        } 

        create_general_protection_fault();
}

Одговори путем е-поште