Blowjob Etiquette (by a female) > >1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it. > >2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful. > >3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not >standard >practice to cum on someone's face. > >4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow. > >5. My ears are NOT handles. > >6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I >heard, >deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on >your dick? > >7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart. > >8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it >through >your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel >particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right > >now. > >9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls >- >if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol. > >10. If I have to pause to ! remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell >me >I've just "wrecked it" for you. > >11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately >afterwards >is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in >the >future. > >12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about >the >origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're >good >at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude. > >13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about >the protein content. > >14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV. > >15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow >jobs >often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either >sympathize or brag. > >16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to >"kiss >it good morning." > > >A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male) > >1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we wil! l >find >someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will. > >2. S swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier > >than licking a dead fish. > >3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything >to >you? > >4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be >thankful >I'm not pulling your hair. > >5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the >only >way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up! > >6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you >need >all the fluids you can get. Trust me. > >7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get >the >short end of the stick in flavor country. > >8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth. > >9. Play with the balls. > >10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better. > >11. Caress the ass, too. We like that! > >12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, >but >when you get old & fat and looking for some ac! tion, I gah-ron-tee it'll >be >"sound asleep." > >13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on >your >face, now will you? > >Send this to 1-5 - u will have good make-out sessions for life. >Send this to 6-10 - u will have fun sliding into 3rd base. >Send this to 10-and over - u will have great sex for life. >Now hurry up and send!!!! >BUT send it to as many people as you can so every one will know their >etiquette!!!!!! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= * send mails to [EMAIL PROTECTED] * PLEASE do not post offensive jokes * message size limit is 150 KB * List info and instructions are available at http://harbinger.sirma.bg/lists/jokes.html and in the header of this email =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
