Dear Mack, I just read your message on the JMDL digest. I don't contribute often, for sheer lack of time, but when I read your message I really felt I had to respond. I am a heterosexual woman living in London, so you may wonder why I connect. Well all I can say is that I do, very strongly so. I know the feeling of suffocation you must be experiencing. Some people may say you choose your own situation, that subconsciously you must be wanting or needing this, that you are a prisoner of your own feelings of guilt etc, but all I could say to that is: bullshit! I understand completely how and why you feel stuck in a situation which is not of your own making, which is in a way the result of you wanting to take responsibility, take care of your parents, hold down a job etc. I have all respect for that.
I feel so sorry that I can't do more to help. Wally is right, this should not be legal, but I fear that maybe it is, and in that case it's very difficult for you to fight back. But really, honest and truly, take this bit of advice: believe in your strength! This will not break you! You know, the fear of something happening, of everything around you collapsing outside your control is more terrifying than coping with it when it actually happens! You may discover friends in places you did not expect, colleagues who speak out for you. Your parents may take it much better than you fear. Just hold on to this one conviction: you can swim, you will not drown! It may hurt for a while, but you will come out of this stronger, better. Really, I mean this very strongly, I have been in similar situations, fighting for my reputation, feeling betrayed and not knowing whom I could trust, being backstabbed and knowing it could cost me my job and my whole way of living, and at some point I gave up fighting and just thought: OK, let is happen, whatever must happen, I will survive this, they will not break me, I will have a life that's worth it when all this has blown over as it must. And so it did. In the mean time, Mack, take strength from your friends. I'm sure you'll get lots and lots of support from this group, some of them will be able to give you much better, practical advice. So take good care, Mack, really! Big supportive hug, Lieve. ********************************************************************** EBRD SECURITY NOTICE This message has been Virus scanned **********************************************************************
