Actually, I have trouble with most holidays, but for me, it is a time of soul searching and an attempt to heal my past. I think most of us have some pain from our childhood no matter how loving our parents may have been. My parents are both deceased which always causes some pain during the Holidays.
To make a long story short, the holidays bring all of that pain and all of the memories to the surface and they are not pleasant to remember. I shed my share of tears as well, but I don't hate Christmas. Christmas had nothing to do with the sorrows of my past. All it is a mirror reflecting my life in comparison to what others consider a joyous time of year. I never measure up, but I think I'm not trying to anymore, if that makes any sense. My life has a lot of holes in it, but I am trying to find peace of mind and joy in spite of it all. I truly believe that most people are trying to do the same during this season. I think it's okay to hate the commercialism and all of the other trappings that have been added to Christmas. We visited my sister in law on Christmas Day and it was strained as usual. She is under the impression that a holiday will change everything and it won't. We all need to fix our relationships with each other first. This Christmas, I stopped caring about what other people thought and celebrated the season just because. Just because I am alive, just because I still have a roof over my head, just because I survived some trauma from the past...just because. This Christmas was for me. If you choose to celebrate the Holidays, always do it for yourself and no one else. Sherelle (Oh, and my daughter reminded me while visiting that when she was little, I never confirmed nor denied the existence of Santa Claus. I let her find out on her on. She thanked me for that.)
