> In Georgia this week, authorities discovered that the furnace at a local > crematory had not worked for years, and that the owner was stockpiling > rotting > corpses that were supposed to have been cremated. > > > 15. Thirty percent discount if you bring your own shovel. > > 14. His son walks around muttering, "I see dead people." > > 13. Instead of an urn, cremated remains are given to you in Tupperware. > > 12. Barbecue joint out front has three specials: links dinner, rib dinner and > femur dinner. > > 11. He greets you wearing his "Who died and made YOU boss?" T-shirt. > > 10. The crematorium is right next to the "half-and-half-atorium." > > 9. He's wearing the suit you buried your father in last year. > > 8. His first question: "So, are you the deceased?" > > 7. When you look closely, you realize that his white moustache is actually > just > a thick line of Vick's Vap-O-Rub. > > 6. Everywhere you look: Moonwalking pallbearers. > > 5. His flawless, low-key sales pitch is marred only by his stopping to moan, > "Must... eat... brains! *BRAAAAAAINS!*" > > 4. His ice-breaker: "Hi! Is that rigor mortis, or are you just glad to see > me?" > > > 3. He employs a scantily-clad assistant and carries a saw. > > 2. Insists on burying your parents together in the same position in which you > were conceived. > > and the Number 1 Sign You Hired the Wrong Funeral Director... > > 1. Offers to stuff Gramps with candy for a festive "pinata service."
