Must I surrender all these things . . .
There was an ad on TV tonight for some product that is supposed to help
menopausal women and the spokesperson was . . . Patti LaBelle! And if that's
not disconcerting enough, "New Attitude" was playing in the background.
Yikes!
I don't know why I was so shocked. I know Patti, like me, and like many of
us, is middle-aged and all. Could it be because I always thought of her as a
rebel? Nah. I just can't get used to the fact that so many celebrities I've
admired over the years are no longer young -- and nothing can be done.
Hell, I saw former "LA Law" hunk Corbin Bernsen on a talk show the other
night and he looked exactly like the actor who used to play the father on
"Dobie Gillis." And why shouldn't he? He's probably the same age Dobie's
father was when he played the role.
At least when Bob Dole was selling Viagra, as undignified and ill-advised as
that was, I never thought of him as one of my contemporaries. Products for
older people used to be pushed by celebs from another generation, like Martha
Raye or June Allyson. But now many of these stars of yesteryear have faced
that final curtain and they're being replaced . . . by us!
So I got to thinking -- and worrying -- what's next? Carly Simon for
Polident? Graham Nash for Just for Men? Keith Richards for Depends? James
Taylor for Rogaine? Linda Ronstadt for Metamucil? Gracie Slick for the
Clapper? David Crosby for Carter's Little Liver Pills?
And what the hell am I supposed to do if I turn on the TV one day and see
Joni doing one of those ads for the greatest hits of the 50s, 60s and 70s
while "Songs to Aging Children" plays in the background?
Sorry, but my blood pressure is through the roof again. I have to take my
Centrum Silver now and lie down.
--Bob, dragging his feet just to slow those circles down
