Catherine wrote: Hmm. Why do some people manage to rise about whatever life throws at them, and others just spiral downwards? I guess there's no answer to that question, but it's one that has intrigued me for a long time.
It intrigues many people. Some writers on the subject have referred to 'grace' as being the reason some people seem to survive bad backgrounds unscathed. they are very few and far between. I know of one person, a 'parent' to me, who is one such person. She had an alcholic mother. At 9 she was taking care of the family and ehr mother. She knew her mother was ill. She knew she was loved. She has matured into a wonderful womn. Brought up 4 healthy children and has NEVER laid a hand on them. Her daugher, when asked if she had ever been smaked replied'no, my parents aren't into child abuse'. Anyway, back to your wondering: abuse varies widely. The severity of it, who it was perpetrated by, the frequency of it, all affects how much the abusee is affected. The 'kindness of strangers' also has a great deal to do with it. There is often a neighbour, a teacher or some such who shows the child love and thus prevents the child becoming dead inside. It also has much to do with what happens to a baby. Research suggests that babies who do not have eye contact with the caring figure, never learn to get beyond 'objectifying' and are unable when older to see others as anything but objects. Babies who are fed and clothed but not caressed or spoken to or 'loved' die. Winner or loser is not really a very helpful way(nor nice) to describe people's battles. For some, just getting thru the waking hours without harm is winning. Some people appear to be 'winners' because they hold a good job or have the trappings of success when in fact their internal life is a mess. Likewise those who do not appear to have the trappings of success, are far from losers. If it were measured in a persons ability to love themselves and others, and only that, then it might be a way to 'judge' tho i feel perhaps none of us are in that position. It all seems relative. A life that to us may seem 'bad' might indeed be a success because it is far better than the life previously lived. 'there but for the Grace of God go I' is a pretty good saying. It has real meaning if understood. As osme peole have learning diffilcuites and other hanicaps, others too have 'hanicapps' in the courage deaprtent or are unable to understand or lack awareness. others are just not loved enough by anyone. In the end it boils down to that; how much love a person recieves. Far far too many recive far far too little. The answer lies in that and not in some intellectual theory. -- bw colin DAK,BRO GC, 950i, 940,860,864,890, 260,Silver 830,860, 580 and 270, Passap 6000, Duo80,Creation 6 [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://www.tantra-apso.com
