A little long but tragically funny. This just arrived and perfectly illustrates the Non-Violence post. Laurent
> > Subject: Termination of Contract/Special Status > To: The Lord God Almighty a.k.a. Jehovah, Allah, etc. > > From: The Jews; a.k.a. The Chosen people > > > > As you are aware, the contract made between you and Abraham is up for > renewal, and this memorandum is to advise you that after, yea, those many > millennia of consideration, we, the Jews (The Chosen People) have decided > that we really do not wish to renew. We should point out immediately that > there is nothing in writing, and contrary to popular beliefs, we (The Jews) > have not really benefited too much from this arrangement. > > > > If you go back to the early years of our arrangement, it definitely started > off on the wrong footing. Not only was Israel and Judea invaded almost every > year, but we went to enormous expense to erect not one but two Temples, and > they were both destroyed. All we have left is a pile of old stones called > the > Wailing Wall (of course you know all this, but we feel it's a good thing to > account for all the reasons we wish to terminate the contract). > > > > After the Hittites, Assyrians, Goliaths, etc., not only were we beaten up > almost daily, but then we were sold off as slaves to Egypt of all countries, > and really lost a few hundred years of development. Now we realize that you > went to a great deal of trouble to send Moses to lead us out of Egypt, and > those poor Egyptian buggers were smitten (smote)? with all those plagues, > but, reflecting on those years, we are at a loss to understand why it took > almost forty years to make a trip that El Al now does in 75 minutes. Also, > while not appearing to be ungrateful, for years a lot of people have asked > why Moses led us left instead of right at Sinai. If we'd have gone right, we > would have had the oil! > > > > OK, so the oil was not part of the deal, but then the Romans came and we > really were up to our necks in dreck. While it's true that the Romans did > give us water fit to drink, aqueducts, and baths, it was very disconcerting > to walk down one of the vias, look up, and see one of your friends or family > nailed to a three-by-four looking for all the world like a sign post. Even > one of our princes Judah ben Hur got caught up with Roman stuff and drove > like a crazy man around the Coliseum. It's a funny thing but many people > swore that Ben Hur had an uncanny resemblance to Moses...go figure. > > > > Then, of all things, one of our most up-and-coming carpenters...he did great > work real cheap, declared himself "Son of You" (there was nothing said about > this with Abe) and before we knew what was what, a whole new religion sprang > up. To add insult to injury, we were dispersed all over the world two or > three times while this new goy (oops guy) really caught on! We were truly > sorry to hear that the Romans executed him like so many others, but, and > this will make you laugh, once again we were blamed. > > > > Now here's something we really don't understand. That guy Jesus Christ, one > of ours and your own son, really came into his own. Millions of people > revered and worshipped his name and scriptures......and still killed us by > the millions. Claimed we drank the blood of new born infants, and controlled > the world banks (Oiy! if only that were so, we could have bought them all > off), and operated the worlds' media and so on and so on. > > > > Are we beginning to make our point here? > > > > OK so let's fast forward a few hundred years to the Crusades whoo boy! Again > we were caught in the middle! They, the Lords and Knights, came from all > over Europe to smack the Arabs and open up the holy places, but before we knew > what hit us, they were killing us right, left, and center along with > everyone else. Every time a king or a pope was down in the opinion polls, they called > a crusade or holy war, and went on a killing rampage in our land. Today it's > called Jihad. > > > > OK, so you tested us a little there, but then some bright cleric in Spain > came up with the Inquisition. We all thought it was a new game show, but > once > again we and, we must admit, quite a few others were used as firewood for a > whole new street lighting arrangement in major Spanish cities. > > > > All right, so that ended after about a hundred years or so...in the great > scheme of things not a long time. But every time we settled down in one > country or another they kicked us out! So we wandered around a few hundred > years or so, but it never changed. Finally we settled in a few countries but > they insisted we all live in ghettoes...no Westchester or Moscow for us. > > > > There we are in the ghettoes, when what do you know? The Russians come up > with the Pogroms. We all thought they made a spelling mistake and misspelled > programs, but we were dead wrong (no pun intended). Apparently, when there > was nothing else for them to do, killing the Jews (a.k.a. the Chosen People > are you getting our drift)? was the in thing. > > > > Now comes some really tough noogies. We were doing quite well, Thank you, in > a small European country called Germany, when some house painter wrote a > book, said a few things that caught on and became their leader....whoo boy > what a bad day that was for us...you know...your chosen people. We don't > really know where you were in the earth years 1940 to 1945. We know everyone > needs a break now and then...even Lord God Almighty's need some time off. > But really...when we needed you most, you were never around. You are probably > aware of this, but if you have forgotten, over six million of your chosen > people, along with quite a few UN-chosen others were murdered. They even > made lamp shades out of our skins. Look, we don't want to dwell on the past, but > it gets worse! > > > Here we are, it's 1948, and millions of us are displaced yet again, when you > really pull a fast one. We finally get our own land back! Yes!!! After all > these years, you arrange for us to go back...then all the Arab countries > immediately declare war on us. We have to tell you that sometimes your sense > of humor really eludes us. OK, so we win all the wars, but its now 2002 and > nothing's changed. We keep getting blown up, hijacked, and kidnapped. We > have no peace whatsoever. Enough is enough. > > > > So, we hope that you understand that nothing's forever (except you of > course) > and we respectfully would like to pull out of our verbal agreement vis-a-vis > being your chosen people. Look, sometimes things work out, sometimes they > don't. Let's be friends over the next few eons and see what happens. > > > How about this? We're sure you recall that Abraham had a whole other family > from Ishmael (the ones who got the oil) How about making them your chosen > people for a few thousand years? > > Respectfully yours, > > The Jews
