My father may or may not have had a heart attack which may or may not have happened on New Years Day; it took me from the 2nd to the 7th to find out what hopsital he is in - you may or may not know the sparse level at which we communicate in our family but this may give you a hint - Dad may or may not be getting of the hospital for a few days before he goes back in for more tests. He may or may not tell me what those test results are. (When my Mom was sick/dying, I got the doctor to tell me what was happening; I won't know anything for sure unless I can get hold of his doctor, whose name of course he will not tell me because he thinks this is all 'private' and doesn't want anyone upset, as if truth is more upsetting than not knowing...) He may or may not outlive me by twenty years, or, since heart failure is THE cause of death in the Lavieris and he has outlived all other male Lavieris, this could be serious. He wants everything out of the house now; that is a sign that it is serious. He is talking about "accelerating everything" whatever that means but it sounds serious. And he may be fine and just once again deciding to be Mr Mysterious. Pray that I can discern what to do. I want to be there - yet I have to work, I am 225 miles away, and he doesn't anyone hovering around him - except at the moment that he wants someone. He has thus far distinctly told me not to come in and his voice sounded good -- but he has been no lie about these things before. Thus far my only comfort is that my aunt - his sister - called me to tell me which hospital he was in, because I have long feared that something would happen to him and I wouldn't know. That has not been an unknown occurance in our family either. After all these years of dysfunctional behavior can we act as a family now? The year before my mom died tells me no, everyone in Chicago will pretend all is fine when it is not. I don't know that we've learned anything since the time lapse between him going into the hospital and my finding out what hospital... so I am all anxious right now. Keep him, and me, in your thoughts and/or prayers or whatever. In our family we don't pray for long life since that can be a curse; we pray that we aren't alone when it happens, that we leave no one alone when it happens. And this is now like a game of chess where I am wearing a blindfold and earmuffs and have to play it all by guess work. So pray that I can discern what is the right thing to do for him, whether this be the last time of his, or just a prelude to many more years. Vince
