I hate to see Kakki go. I have been fortunate enough to meet her and
have been a guest in her home. She is a gracious, intelligent and
engaging human being & I am very fond of her. Kakki, if you read
this, please stay in touch.
I have learned many things from being on this list. Kakki is someone
I have learned a great deal from. One lesson she has taught me (or
reinforced) is never to make assumptions about people or
generalizations about groups of people. So, Kakki, I make no
assumptions about your decision to leave us. I feel I know you well
enough and respect your intelligence & judgment enough to know that
you have good, valid reasons for doing so. I hope you're just taking
a break & will return. If not, again, please stay in touch.
I have always said that my philosophy about people who seem to take
some kind of perverse pleasure in being nasty and demeaning is to
ignore them. Don't let them push your buttons. Deny them the
attention they obviously want. But then I have never been the victim
of many abusive private posts. One or two here & there, but never the
kind of volume that would be considered annoying or alarming. I
imagine it would be hard to completely ignore it if it were constant &
of an abusive nature. Most of us come to this list expecting it to be
a positive place to share our thoughts & feelings with kindred
spirits. If we get to the point where we don't feel that the list is
a positive place for doing that anymore, then why stay?
I enjoy a good joke as much as the next person and if any of you were
to see me in my own element, with my circle of close friends where I
feel completely at ease you would see that my sense of humor has more
than a bit of vinegar in it. For that reason, I *usually* refrain
from making jokes on this list. Email communication is very tricky.
Through the JMDL and the large volume of emailing I do at work, I feel
I have learned a thing or two about it. It is *so easy* to
misinterpret something in an email. As the Rev Vince pointed out so
well, you can't email a facial expression or a vocal inflection.
Sarcasm almost never comes off well in an email. There's always
someone who will take you seriously or even if they don't, will not
appreciate the humor. We are a diverse group. Different backgrounds,
nationalities, cultures, religions, sexual preference - it can be very
hard not to step on someone's toes if we are not very careful with how
we communicate.
I certainly don't want to censor anybody. But in view of the
difficulty of communicating clearly in this medium, is it really
asking too much that people try to refrain from demeaning & belittling
remarks? Is that really too much to ask? That we treat each other
with respect and leave the sniping & sarcasm out of it? Believe me,
there have been times when I have read posts on the JMDL that have
made me seethe and want to spit out expletives and all kinds of
scathing comments. But what would that accomplish in the end? It
would probably upset most of the good people on this list (and there
are *so many* of you out there!) and cause a lot of unnecessary
damage.
I certainly don't mean to say that we can't have fun here. I can be
as silly as the next person and a well-intentioned jibe here & there
is not a bad thing. But unless you're absolutely certain that the
jest will be received in the spirit you intended then I say
reconsider. And if something makes you angry, don't shoot off a
hot-headed reply. Do something else, wait a day or listen to some
Joni. Then if you still feel compelled to reply, maybe you can do so
with a cooler head. Usually your point comes across much more clearly
and effectively.
Ok, I'm done. Sorry if this sounds like a sermon, but I felt I had to
say something if for no other reason than to let Kakki know I miss her
& support her. Maybe I don't always *agree* with her, but I always
respect her & look forward to reading anything that appears when I see
her name in my inbox.
Mark in Seattle
