sent to me by a friend:

I read this article that said
the typical symptoms of stress
are eating too much, drinking
too much, impulse buying and
driving too fast.
Are they kidding? That is my
idea of a perfect day.


Skinny people piss me off!
Especially when they say
things like, "You know
sometimes I forget to eat."
Now, I've forgotten my
address, my mother's maiden name,
and my keys. But I've never
forgotten to eat. You have to
be a special kind of stupid to
forget to eat.

A friend of mine confused her
valium with her birth control
pills.. She had 14 kids, but
she doesn't give a shit.


They keep telling us to get in
touch with our bodies. Mine
isn't all that communicative
but I heard from it the other
day after I said, "Body, how'd
you like to go to the six
o'clock class in vigorous
toning?" Clear as a bell my
body said, "listen bitch...do
it and you die."


The trouble with some women is
that they get all excited
about nothing and then they
marry him.


I know what Victoria's Secret
is. The secret is that nobody
older than 30 can fit into
their stuff.



"If men can run the world, why
can't they stop wearing
neckties?
How intelligent is it to start
the day by tying a noose
around your neck?"

--
bw
colin

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