O.k., now I am really going to fan the
flames (Sue, always telling herself to
stay out of the political arena, now jumping in headfirst).
Rules for being a good Republican:
1.You have to believe that the nation's past 8 year prosperity was due to the
work of Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but that yesterday's gas prices are
all Bill Clinton's fault.
2.You have to despise government programs, but expect Social Security checks
on time.
3.You have to believe that government should stay out of peoples' lives, yet
you want government to regulate same-sex marriages, ending or not ending
pregnancies, and what official language should be spoken by US citizens.
4.You have to believe that pollution is okay, so long as it makes a profit.
It is even better if it's in another state.
5.You have to sponsor prayer in public schools, as long as you don't pray to
Allah or Buddha.
6.You have to believe that only your own teenagers are still virgins.
7.You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but that large, multinational corporations should have absolutely
no regulations or interference.
8.You love Jesus and Jesus loves you and you're certain that Jesus shares
your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, labor unions and Hillary Clinton.
9.You have to believe that society is colorblind and growing up black in
America doesn't diminish your opportunities-but you still wouldn't ever vote for Allan
Keyes.
10.You have to believe that it was wise to allow Ken Starr to spend $50
million to attack Clinton because no other US Presidents have ever been
unfaithful to their wives.
11.You have to declare that a waiting period for purchasing a handgun is bad
because quick access to a new firearm is an important concern for all
Americans-even children and felons.
12.You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools because, of
course, if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.
13.You have to believe that the ACLU is bad for defending the Constitution,
while the NRA is good for defending the Constitution.
14.You have to believe the AIDS virus is not important enough to deserve
federal funding proportionate to the resulting death rate and that the public
doesn't need to be educated about it, because if we just ignore it, it will
go away.
15.You have to believe that biology teachers are corrupting the morals of 6th
graders if they teach them the basics of human sexuality, but the Bible,
which is full of sex and violence, is good reading at any age.
16.You have to believe that Chinese communist missiles have killed more
Americans than drugs, alcohol and tobacco.
17.You have to believe that, even though governments have supported the arts
for 5,000 years and that most of the great works of Renaissance art were paid
for by governments, our government should shun any such support. After all,
the rich can afford to buy their own and the poor don't need any.
18.You have to believe that the lumber from the last one percent of old
growth US forests is well worth the destruction of those forests and the
extinction of the several species of plants and animals therein.
19.You have to believe that we should forgive and pray for Newt Gingrich,
Henry Hyde, and Bob Livingston for their marital infidelities, but that the
bastard Bill Clinton should never be forgiven.
20.You have to believe that George W. Bush REALLY won the election of
November 2000.
And let us not forget to bow in proper obeisance to His Royal Dubyaness,
never forgetting his record in Texas:
1st Children without Health insurance (%)
1st Toxic Air Releases.
1st Smog Days (Houston)
3rd Hunger (%)
5th Highest Teen Birth Rate
45th Mothers Receiving Pre-Natal Care
46th Public Libraries and Branches
46th High School Completion Rate
46th Water Resources Protection
47th Delivery of Social Services
48th Per Capita Funding for Public Health
48th Best Place to Raise Children
48th Spending for Parks and recreation
48th Spending for the Arts
49th Spending for the Environment
50th Teachers' Salaries plus Benefits
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