>>
>>This is a compilation of actual student answers to history
questions...
>>
>>
>>* Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
>>hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.
>>The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
>>elsewhere.
>>
>>* The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book
>>of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
>>One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"
>>
>>* Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
>>unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses
went
>>up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he
ever
>>reached Canada.
>>
>>* Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
>>
>>* The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
>>wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
>>moth.
>>
>>* Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of
>>that name.
>>
>>* Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving
>>people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of
>>wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.
>>
>>* In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the
>>biscuits, and threw the java.
>>
>>* Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls
>>people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.
>>
>>* Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
>>The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be
>>made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."
>>
>>* Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by
>>playing the fiddle to them.
>>
>>* Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard
>>Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged
twice
>>or the same offense.
>>
>>* In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest
>>writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses
>>and also wrote literature.
>>
>>* Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an
>>apple while standing on his son's head.
>>
>>* Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
>>success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted
>>"hurrah."
>>
>>* It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
>>invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention
was
>>the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
>>because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis
>>Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
>>
>>* The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
>> He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never
made
>>much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
tragedies,
>>comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and
>>Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to
be
>>laid by Juliet.
>>
>>* Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
>>He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
>>wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise
Regained.
>>
>>* During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was
>>a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the
>>Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa
Fe.
>>
>> * Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
>>Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the
settlers.
>>Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was
>>responsible for all this.
>>
>>* One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
>>tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels
through
>>the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no
longer
>>had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed
the
>>Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin
Franklin
>>were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin
discovered
>>electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse
divided
>>against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still
>>dead.
>>
>>* Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to
>>secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed
the
>>right to keep bare arms.
>>
>>* Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's
>>mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built
>>with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
>>Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln
went
>>to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving
>>picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposedly
>>insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.
>>
>>* Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
>>Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.
>>
>>* Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable
>>in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.
>>
>>* Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
>>large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster
>>which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
>>Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel
>>was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.
>>
>>* Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf
>>he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone
>>was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for
this.
>>
>>* The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
>>catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
power,
>>but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.
>>
>>* The sun never set on the British Empire because the British
>>Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
>>
>>* Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for
>>63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was
>>the final event which ended her reign.
>>
>>* The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
>>inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started
reproducing
>>by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of
rivers to
>>spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
the
>>work of a hundred men.
>>
>>* Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was
>>a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie
discovered
>>radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.
>>
>>* The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck
>>by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history."
>>
- Spac
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