OT Classics: GNU/Linux Version 3.0
Please stop submitting bug reports. This is our system. We designed it,
we built it, and we use it more than you do. If there are some features
you think might be missing, if the system isn't as effective as you think
it could be, TOUGH! Give it back, we don't need you. See Figure 1.
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Figure 1.
Forget about your silly problem, let's take a look at some of the features
of the GNU/Linux operating system.
1) Options. We've got lots of them. So many in fact, that you need two
strong people to carry the documentation around. So many that it
will be a cold day in hell before half of them are used. So many
that you are probably not going to do your work right anyway.
However, the number of options isn't all that important, because
we picked some interesting values for the options and called them...
2) Defaults. We put a lot of thought into our defaults. We like them.
If we didn't, we would have made something else be the default. So
keep your cotton-picking hands off our defaults. Don't touch.
Consider them mandatory. "Mandatory defaults" has a nice ring to it.
Change them and your system crashes, TOUGH. See Figure 1.
4) Debuggers. We've got debuggers, one we support and one we use.
You shouldn't make mistakes anyway, it is a waste of time. We don't
want to hear anything about debuggers, we're not interested, see
Figure 1.
4) Error Logging. Ignore it. Why give yourself an ulcer? You don't
want to give us the machine to get the problem fixed and we probably
can't do it anyway. Oh, and if something breaks between 17:00 and
18:00 or 9:30 and 10:30 or 11:30 and 13:30 or 14:30 and 15:30 don't
waste your time calling us, we're out. See Figure 1.
5) Command Language. We designed it ourselves, it's perfect. We like
it so much we put our name on it, BASH. In fact we're so happy with
it, we designed it once for each of our operating systems. We even
try to keep it the same from release to release, sometimes
we blow it though, See Figure 1.
6) Real Time Performance. We got it. Who else could have done such a
good job? So the system seems sluggish with all those priority 18
processes, no problem, just make them priority 1. Anyway, realtime
isn't important anymore like it used to be. We changed our groups
name to get rid of the word realtime, we told all our realtime
users to see Figure 1 a long time ago.
7) I18N Processors. They work just fine. They take in source, and
often produce object files as a reward for your efforts. You don't
like the code? Too bad! You can even try to call operating system
services from them. For any that you can't, use Java like we do.
We spoke to the I18N developers about this, they think a lot
like we do, they said "See Figure 1".
In conclusion, love GNU/Linux or leave it, but don't complain!
--adapted from TOPS-20.
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