On 3/27/2007 2:44 PM, Christian Seberino wrote:
On Tue, March 27, 2007 12:37 pm, Karl Cunningham wrote:
When it stops working, call
it quits.
But if you and your
partner have changed in incompatible ways, and both want to be true to
themselves, then their option is to split up.
Here's an example: one partner ceasing to love the other and refusing to
even discuss it, let alone try to improve things. That happened to me in
a relationship that lasted 14 years, 12 of them legally married. It
ended up that I was little more than someone to bring in a paycheck and
fix things when they broke. I spent several years working very hard to
find a solution, and failed.
I'm sorry to hear that. That must have been hard for you. I have a
question for you. Were you angry at her? Did you think by breaking her
marriage vow that that was fair/right on her part?....or did you just
shrug your shoulders and say...."She felt it wasn't working for her so it
was perfectly fine for her to break her promise and leave."
I wasn't at all angry with anyone. I was disappointed at how things
turned out, but I never thought of holding her to any promises made
years earlier.
I have always thought that long-term promises/vows like those done in
wedding ceremonies are a bad idea. Those ignore how people really are. A
much more realistic promise is something like "I'll try to work things
out as long as we both want to". Anything more than that is wishful
thinking.
In their early 20's most people can't predict where they'll be
emotionally five years down the road, let alone dozens. As people mature
they often change more slowly and predictions get better. As far as I'm
concerned the only thing you can count on is that people change.
I want a relationship that both of us want today, and I certainly
wouldn't want to stay in one because of either person's promise made
years earlier.
Karl
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