Hi. Here's a giant sarcasm fest to start your weekend. I mean, what the hell? The only one missing is Arnold, who's slammed enough in today's LA Times California Section on horrible prison healthcare, phony news videos and his Peres-model chief of staff. Thanks to, in order, Karen Pomer, me, Miya Iwataki and Sara Roos. Read 'em and weep....or laugh.... or both. Sincerely, Ed
http://www.nynewsday.com/news/columnists/nyc-bres1130%2C0%2C139359%2Cprint.column New York Newsday COMMENTARY Where's Hillary on Iraq? Jimmy Breslin November 30, 2005 Beautiful. I am in receipt today of a mailing from the Hillary Rodham Clinton campaign. This is different from the letter she sent out by e-mail in a rush. I don't know who got the e-mail. She announces it is 1,600 words long. That much of her sentences could end reading. The letter I got is more than a dead dry political mailing. I found it such compelling reading that I drop everything and share with you promptly and thus prominently. It is a four-page questionnaire with the headline, "2005 Critical National Issues Survey." I thought that this was about the more than 2,000 dead in Iraq. Not even close. I read on, thinking that the pamphlet might tell me what Hillary stands for, as she is pretty much a blank thus far. The questionnaire begins with a statement that we can't let Republican political attacks distract Hillary from her efforts in the Senate to address the critical issues our nation needs to address. Then there is the normal space for contributions by check or credit card. The amounts are from $25 to $100 and "other." Fine so far. Here are the critical issues: "Economy/jobs. Environment. Social Security/Medicare. Education. Homeland Security. Health Care. Tax Cuts. Reproductive Rights. Separation of Church and State." Absolutely marvelous. Nothing about Iraq. Or the life and death of young Americans in Iraq. Or troop withdrawals from Iraq. I go through the rest of the pamphlet. "How concerned are you that President Bush is not doing enough to get Americans back to work, create more jobs and get the economy moving again? "How concerned are you that the massive budget deficits caused by Republican economic and tax policies will inevitably result in drastic cuts in Social Security, Medicare, education and social services?" Absolutely beautiful! There are, as stated earlier, now more than 2,000 young Americans who have died in Iraq. She wants to be a candidate for president and she doesn't even mention our dead, or our next dead. Wait. Here is question 9: "How concerned are you that the administration's unilateral policies have reduced our number of allies and endangered our national security?" How absolutely marvelous! "It depends on what your definition of 'is' is," her husband said when he was questioned about rolling around on the office carpet with a young office worker. And she not only copies, but clearly surpasses. She deals with something important. Hillary Clinton today holds the new North American record for fakery. She copies. She sneaks and slithers past you with her opinion on a war that kills every day. Hillary Clinton is in favor of the war and of executions. Sensational! The other day, when Rep. John Murtha of Johnstown, Pa., called for a withdrawal from Iraq, and obviously did so with half the Pentagon behind him, Hillary said, no, we shouldn't pull out at this time. Oh, it would cause so much violence. We must stay. It takes a national Alzheimer's for her to be able to try to get away with things like this. If Hillary Clinton wants this war to go on, then she should send her daughter to fight in Iraq. We have had in New York as United States senators, Robert F. Kennedy, Jacob Javits and Daniel Moynihan. We now have Hillary Clinton blowing on her fingers as she goes about cracking the combination to another safe. If the one hand glistens, it is from the wedding ring that she has used to hypnotize the public so far. Beautiful. Copyright © 2005, Newsday, Inc. ### http://select.nytimes.com/2005/11/30/opinion/30dowd.html?th&emc=th The Autumn of the Patriarchy By MAUREEN DOWD Published: November 30, 2005 In the vice president's new, more fortified bunker, inside his old undisclosed secure location within the larger bunker that used to be called the West Wing of the White House, Dick Cheney was muttering and sputtering. He wasn't talking to the pictures on the wall, as Nixon did when he finally cracked. Vice doesn't trust those portraits anyway. The walls have ears. He was talking to the only reliable man in a city of dimwits, cowards, traitors and fools: himself. He hurled a sheaf of news reports with such force it knocked over the picture of Ahmad Chalabi that he keeps next to the picture of Churchill. Winston Chalabi, he likes to call him. Vice is fed up with all the whining and carping - and that's just inside the White House. The only negativity in Washington is supposed to be his own. He's the only one allowed to scowl and grumble and conspire. The impertinent Tom DeFrank reported in New York's Daily News that embattled White House aides felt "President Bush must take the reins personally" to save his presidency. Let him try, Cheney said with a sneer. Things are nowhere near dire enough for that. Even if Junior somehow managed to grab the reins to his presidency, Vice holds Junior's reins. So he just needs to get all these sniveling, poll-driven wimps and losers back on board with the master plan. Things had been going so smoothly. The global torture franchise was up and running. Halliburton contracts were flowing. Tax cuts were sailing through. Oil companies were raking it in. Alaska drilling was thrillingly close. The courts were defending his executive privilege on energy policy, and people were still buying all that smoke about Saddam's being responsible for 9/11, and that drivel about how we're fighting them there so we don't have to fight them here. Everything was groovy. But not anymore. Cheney could not believe that Karl had made him go out and call that loudmouth Jack Murtha a patriot. He was sure the Pentagon generals had put the congressman up to calling for a withdrawal from Iraq. Is the military brass getting in touch with its pacifist side? In Wyoming, Vice shoots doves. How dare Murtha suggest that Cheney dodged and dodged and dodged and dodged and dodged the draft? Murtha thinks he knows about war just because he served in one and was a marine for 37 years? Vice started his own war. Now that's a credential! It always goes this way with the cut-and-run crowd. First they start nitpicking the war, complaining about little things like the lack of armor for the troops. Then they complain that there aren't enough troops. Well, that would just require more armor that we don't have. Then they kvetch about using incendiary weapons in a city like Falluja. Vice likes the smell of white phosphorus in the morning. What really enrages him is all the Republicans in the Senate making noises about timetables. Before you know it, it's going to be helicopters on the rooftop at the Baghdad embassy. Just because Junior's approval ratings are in the 30's, people around here are going all wobbly. Vice was 10 points lower and he wasn't worried. Numbers are for sissies. Why do Harry Reid and his Democratic turncoats think they can call the White House on the carpet? Do they think Vice would fear to lie about lying about the rationale for going to war? A real liar never stops lying. He didn't want to have to tell the rest of the senators to go do to themselves what he had told Patrick Leahy to go do to himself. Now all these idiots are getting caught, even Scooter. DeLay's on the ropes and the Dukester is a total embarrassment, spending bribes on antique commodes and a Rolls-Royce. Vice should never have let an amateur get involved with defense contracts. Republican moderates are running scared in the House, worried about re-election. Even senators seem to have forgotten which side their bread is oiled on. Ted Stevens let oil company executives get caught lying about the energy task force meeting, while Vice can't even get a little thing like torture chambers through the Senate. What's so wrong with a little torture? And now John Warner wants Junior to use fireside chats to explain his plan for Iraq. When did everybody get the un-American idea that the president is answerable to America? Vice is fed up with the whining of squirrelly surrogates like Brent Scowcroft and Lawrence Wilkerson on behalf of peaceniks like George Senior and Colin Powell. If Poppy's upset about his kid's mentor, he should be man enough to come slug it out. Poppy isn't getting Junior back, Vice vowed, muttering: "He's my son. It's my war. It's my country." (And the bad news is: this man is our vice president.) *** >>> "Noah T. Winer, MoveOn.org Civic Action" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> 12/1/2005 11:45 AM >>> Dear Southern California MoveOn member, The Los Angeles Times announced it is slashing 85 people from its news staff [1], despite millions in corporate profits [2]. This means watered-down coverage of local, state and national news. Politicians and corporations who should be held accountable by vigilant watchdog journalism will instead be covered by a staff that is stretched too thin. Equally outrageous, Californians are being deceived about why these cuts are happening. Despite reaping huge profits that most businesses would envy, the Times' corporate owners in Chicago simply aren't satisfied--they want more [3]. Instead of admitting this, the Times points to things like "rising newsprint costs" to distract the public from the real reason for the cuts [4]. The Times' corporate owners think they can get away with this because nobody is paying attention. But we're starting a petition to show the strong public opposition to these cuts. MoveOn Media Action is a campaign empowering regular people to fight back when news outlets abandon their journalistic duty to be a vigilant watchdog for the public. Please sign the petition to the Los Angeles Times and its corporate owners demanding no news cuts by clicking here: http://civic.moveon.org/latimescuts/?id=6452-5789739-btN2QwwRJQGcIbSeS9xqrw&t=3 After you sign the petition, please forward this message to your friends, neighbors and co-workers who read the Times. You'd think companies would cut employees when they're losing money, but the Times is incredibly lucrative. Former Los Angeles Times deputy opinion editor Steve Wasserman recently described how the paper's corporate owners are running the paper into the ground: Tribune Co. insists that the paper deliver annual operating profit margins nearer 25% or 26% than its more customary return of around 15% or 16%. (Last year...the paper reaped an operating profit margin of about 20%, a figure that failed to satisfy the Chicago moneymen.) The paper's top managers and editors are determined to do so or die trying [5]. Another former Times official summarized the corporate owners' disregard for the quality of the paper's reporting as follows: "You've no idea how fast these folks are strip-mining the place...They care nothing for journalism." [5] The Tribune Company is forcing many of its newspapers around the country to slash their staffs. On CNN, media reporter Howard Kurtz reported on these staff cuts and asked, "Does this mean the papers are losing money? Don't be naive. It means their double-digit profit margins aren't high enough to satisfy Wall Street." [3] The Los Angeles Times made up to $200 million in profits last year [2]. We must defend the reporters and editors who produce the paper each day but cannot speak out against their corporate owners and managers. We can fight these news cuts by forcing the Times' corporate owners in Chicago to pay attention to the readers they are supposed to be serving in Southern California. Please sign the petition to stop the news cuts at the Times, and pass it along to others you know: http://civic.moveon.org/latimescuts/?id=6452-5789739-btN2QwwRJQGcIbSeS9xqrw&t=4 Thank you for all you do. --Noah T. Winer and Adam Green MoveOn Media Action Thursday, December 1st, 2005 Sources: 1."Los Angeles Times to Cut 85 Jobs in Newsroom," New York Times, November 17, 2005 http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/17/business/17paper.html 2."Investors Misreading Future of Newspapers," Los Angeles Times, November 24, 2005 http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1207 3. Reliable Sources with Howard Kurtz, CNN, November 27, 2005 http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0511/27/rs.01.html 4. "Los Angeles Times to cut 85 newsroom jobs," Reuters, November 16, 2005 http://www.moveon.org/r?r=1205 5. "Chicago Agonistes: The Plight of the L.A. Times," Truthdig, November 28, 2005 http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/the_death_of_newspapers/ *** Dear Friends-- Yes, this is pretty juvenile, but profoundly satisfying at a visceral level, I think. --Mike After numerous rounds of "We don't know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message: 370HSSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so he E-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA. With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down." -S. ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Help tsunami villages rebuild at GlobalGiving. 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