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====> LABLaughsClean
=====> http://www.LABLaughs.com
======> Another F-R-E-E mailing from LABLaughs.com

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INTRODUCTION

Good Day Everybody.

I have never had a policy. I have simply tried to do what
 seemed best each day, as each day came. 
-- Abe Lincoln --

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QUICK JOKE

"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the
 sand. I beat people up."
- Muhammad Ali

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CARTOON TIME

ANTI BARBIE MOVEMENT

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NEW BABY

When Donna found out she was pregnant, she told the good
 news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son
 overheard some of his parents' private conversations.
 One day when Donna and her 4-year-old were shopping a
 woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the
 new baby. 

"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going
 to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her
 Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call
 it quits!"

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WHAT WILL THEY FIND? 
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IF YOU TOOK YOUR PC IN FOR REPAIR? 
IF YOUR FAMILY USED YOUR COMPUTER? 
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NOTHING PERSONAL

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an
 embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my
 husband walked out during your sermon." 

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. 

"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the churchgoer.
 "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a
 child."

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THE SHIFT-KEY  FAQ

Unleash the Power of Shift! 

by Alan Meiss, [EMAIL PROTECTED] 

Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean
 the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these
 keys are just little signs to point them out? 

A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean
 "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is
 telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at
 your fingers. 

Q. What happens if I press both shift keys? 

A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You
 should not use this feature, however, because these
 letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In,
 which would be particularly embarrassing if you were
 typing something naughty at the time. You might consider
 obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program
 for only $139.95. Or you might not, it's your computer,
 but don't say I didn't warn you. 

Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can I
 type capital letters and punctuation 

A. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your
 spiritual advisor. Perhaps your deity would not be
 angered by repeated use of the Caps Lock key, or maybe
 you can retain a consultant to depress the shift for you.
 You might also consider replacing punctuation marks that
 require the use of shift keys with lower case expressions;
 replace ? with "huh" and ! with "zowie". 

Q <I PRESSED SHIFT AND IT�S STUCK DOWN NOW> 

A. Do small children with a fondness for peanut butter use
 your keyboard frequently? If so, you may want to clean it
 off for more reliable operation. First, disconnect your
 keyboard by gripping each of its ends firmly and pulling
 as hard as you can. Next, immerse the keyboard in warm
 water and scrub thoroughly with your favorite
 lemon-scented detergent and lots of steel wool. Finally,
 you need to dry the keyboard. Either dry it to touch with
 a handheld blow dryer, or place it in the dryer for not
 less than 60 minutes. Be sure to clean the lint screen
 when you are finished.

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<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

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We claim no copyrights to the material in our mailing lists,
if you do Forward it then please leave it intact. If you
wish to reproduce material, then permission is granted, a
link and credit would be nice but is in no way required.

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Please feel free to send us any feedback or comments about
this, or any other LABLaughs Service. We aim to please. Just
send mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] and we'll try to please you!

Don't forget to visit our site at http://www.LABLaughs.com

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