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====> LABLaughsClean
=====> http://www.LABLaughs.com
======> Another F-R-E-E mailing from LABLaughs.com

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INTRODUCTION

Enjoy the Life!

"Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler." 

- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

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QUICK JOKE

Six kings" can be converted into what word? 

Six kings  
VI kings  
Vikings

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CARTOON TIME

WAITING ROOM!

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THE BIG SQUEEZE

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the 
strongest manaround that they offered a standing $1000 bet. 
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran 
into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who 
could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the 
money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, 
longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing 
thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny 
squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet" After the laughter 
had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and 
squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the 
rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to 
total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon 
and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and 
asked the little man "what do you do for a living? Are you 
a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The man replied "I work for the IRS."

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<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

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INSURANCE

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he 
advised new recruits about their government benefits, 
especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman 
Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling 
insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back 
of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new 
recruits, and then said, "If you have GI Insurance and go 
into battle and are killed, the government has to pay 
$200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI 
insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the 
government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are 
going to send into battle first?"

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<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

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BEST EXCUSES

1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

2. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about 
in the last time management course you sent me to."

3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

4. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission 
statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

5. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective 
people!"

6. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

7. Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" 
(SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss 
made you attend.

8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve 
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people 
who practice Yoga?"

9. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out 
a solution to our biggest problem."

10. "The coffee machine is broken...."

11. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

12. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't 
wear off!"

13. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of 
the workaholic!"

14. "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens 
without hands."

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<><><><><><><><> 'PLEASE VISIT OUR SPONSOR' <><><><><><><><>

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if you do Forward it then please leave it intact. If you
wish to reproduce material, then permission is granted, a
link and credit would be nice but is in no way required.

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Please feel free to send us any feedback or comments about
this, or any other LABLaughs Service. We aim to please. Just
send mailto: [EMAIL PROTECTED] and we'll try to please you!

Don't forget to visit our site at http://www.LABLaughs.com

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