I listen to my local radio station every morning, and the daily task of one
of those involved is to investigate two items of curiosity decided at the
beginning of that morning's broadcast. This morning one of them was to find
out what excuses drivers made to try to get off paying a speeding fine when
caught by speed cameras. The interviewer went to the office in Portsmouth
which sends out the fine notices and handles any disputes. These are actual
excuses made by drivers, and, in all but the first one where the driver made
his excuses in court, the replies the office sent them just to show people
they had a sense of humour.

1. The car was normally driven by a high ranking naval officer and was
always under the surveillance of Special Branch (a bit like the FBI), so
they would be able to say whether or not the car was travelling faster than
the speed limit. In any case the road in question is part of the Portsmouth
missile defence system and the speed limit is changed frequently to confuse
the enemy, and it had confused the driver also.

2. There was a bee in the car.
Response: Difficult to bee-lieve, but they'd set up a sting operation to
discover the truth.

3. Was desperate to go to the toilet and was rushing to find a public
convenience.
Response: A wee bit difficult to prove.

4. 2 pigeons smashed through the side window and were fighting on the back
seat.
Response: Only a bird brain would think of that.

5. A fit of sneezing cause the driver to get confused.
Response: That's obviously a tissue of lies.

6. A clergyman was rushing to a funeral that he was to minister to, and was
late.
Response: Speed limits are set to try an avoid accidents. Exceeding the
speed limit could result in attending your own funeral.

Jean in Poole

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