My sister, Kate, sent this one to me - as she has four cats, I can just imagine the mayhem if it was fact rather than fiction....
------- Forwarded message follows ------- In message <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>, Kate Willis <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes >(Wrapping Presents with one of Kates Cats). >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >1 Clear large space on table for wrapping present. > >2 Go to closet and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door. > >3 Open door and remove cat from closet. > >4 Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper. > >5 Go back and remove cat from cupboard. > >6 Go to drawer, and collect transparent sticky tape, ribbons, scissors, labels, etc. >. . > >7 Lay out presents and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be >formed. > >8 Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last >visit and collect string. > >9 Remove present from bag. > >10 Remove cat from bag. > >11 Open box to check present, remove cat from box, replace present. > >12 Lay out paper to enable cutting to size. > >13 Try and smooth out paper, realize cat is underneath and remove cat. > >14 Cut the paper to size, keeping the cutting line straight. > >15 Throw away first sheet as cat chased the scissors, and tore the paper. > >16 Cut second sheet of paper to size - by putting cat in the bag the present came in. > >17 Place present on paper. > >18 Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Realize >cat is between present and paper. Remove cat. > >19 Place object on paper, to hold in place while tearing transparent sticky tape. > >20 Spend 20 minutes carefully trying to remove transparent sticky tape from cat with >pair of nail scissors. > >21 Seal paper with sticky tape, making corners as neat as possible. > >22 Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon. > >23 Try to wrap present with ribbon in a two-directional turn. > >24 Re-roll ribbon and remove paper, which is now torn due to cat's enthusiastic >ribbon chase. > >25 Repeat steps 13-20 until you reach last sheet of paper. > >26 Decide to skip steps 13-17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last >sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper. > >27 Put present in box, and tie down with string. > >28 Remove string, open box and remove cat. > >29 Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for locked room. > >30 Once inside lockable room, lock door and start to relay out paper and materials. > >31 Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and relock. > >32 Repeat previous step as often as is necessary (until you can hear cat from outside >door) > >33 Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult in the small area of the >toilet, but do your best) > >34 Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door go out and hunt through various >cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Remember that you haven't got any >left because cat helped with this last year as well. > >35 Return to lockable room, lock door, and sit on toilet and try to make torn sheet >of paper look presentable. > >36 Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sticky tape. >Tie up with ribbon and decorate with bows to hide worst areas. > >37 Label. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulate yourself on completing a >difficult job. > >38 Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make drink and feed cat. > >39 Spend 15 minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion. > >40 Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat. > >41 Go to store and buy a gift bag -- Jane Partridge To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
