I'm not really sure all these are true, but it does make a bad day look a
little
brighter and gives a chuckle. Lorri
Subject: Fw: Subject: Fw: Having a Bad Day?
This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad
day at work, think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for
Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore
drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it
to radio station 103.2 on FM dial in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring
a
worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won.
"Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a
bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so
I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not
so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must
bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies
at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit.
This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is
this: We have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece
of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature.
It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped
to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it
several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and
start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch.
So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few
seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the
damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water
machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I
don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.
However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched
what I
thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack
of my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other
divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive.
I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my
chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing
nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with
tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told
me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the
fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse
it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job ".
Think you are having a bad day?
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section
of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased
male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,
flippers, and face mask.
A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from
massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive
identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully
clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.
It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the
coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control
the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with
very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the
site of the forest fire.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300
feet in the air.
Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
Still think you're having a bad day?
A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the
kitchen. While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into
gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it
burst through the glass patio doors.
His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and
bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door.
She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large
hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and
escort them to her husband.
While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to
right the motorcycle and push it outside. She also quickly blotted up the
spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.
After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He went into the
bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his
business.
About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.
The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband
screaming. Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown
away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an
ambulance.
The same paramedic crew was dispatched. As the paramedics carried the
man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to
burn himself. She told them.
They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher and dumping
the husband out. He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.
Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers
and applause from onlookers.
A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.
Still think you are having a bad day?
A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking
frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from
his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm
in two places.
Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.
STILL think you're having a bad day?
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending
pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs
broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.
The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.
What?! STILL having a bad day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter
bomb. It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it.
Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
There now, feeling better?
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