From: C.B. 2
�I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send
�Me your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
��Because of your concern: I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can Remove toilet stains. �I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans. �I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. �I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
�causes cancer. �I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get Pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. �I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a Water buffalo on a hot day. �I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. �I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
�actually Al Qaida in disguise. ��I no longer shop at Target sincethey are French and don't support our American troops. �I no longer �answer the phone because someone will ask me to �dial a Stupid number for which I will get the phone �bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. �I no longer eat pre- packaged foods because the estrogens they contain Will turn me gay. �I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. �I no longer eat margarine because it is one molecule away from beingPlastic and flies won�t even eat it. I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my �kidneys And leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. �I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my Free replacement pair from Nike. �I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have Their recipe. �I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. �I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is About
�to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time). �I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft �and AOL are sending me forparticipating in their special e-mail program. �Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor. �If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea willcrap on your head at 5:00 pm �this afternoon and the fleas of a thousandcamels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend.
--- Tamara P Duvall http://lorien.emufarm.org/~tpd Lexington, Virginia, USA (Formerly of Warsaw, Poland)
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