I'd seen some of these before, but thought they are a good selection. Believe it or not, they were sent to us by the biggest Male Chauvanist Pig of our aquaintance; I wonder if he actually read them.
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." And they say blonds are dumb... ____________________________________ A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world" The woman says, "I'll miss you..." _____________________________________ "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. _________________________________ He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly. She said - Well, you succeeded. ____________________ He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That is a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart. ______________________ He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said "Turn sideways and look in the mirror. ______________________ Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor ___________________ A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! __________________ A PRAYER.... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN ______________________________ Q: How can you tell when ! a man is well hung? A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose. _________________________________ Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. ______________________________ Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: one-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part. ______________________________ Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. ____________________________ Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. _________________________________ Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? A: Because not one will stop and ask directions. _________________________________ Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating? A: To stop the snoring before it starts. _________________________________ Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. _________________________________ Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals" To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
