Martha,
The etiquette book I used to pore over in the 1960s specified that a married woman's letter should always be addressed to Mrs. John Doe. Only a divorced woman would become Mrs. Jane Doe; a widow would continue to use her husband's name. And that's how I still address letters to widows of my parents' generation.
Following my Father's death in 1983, my mother absolutely refused to be known as anything other than Mrs. A. Keith COLLYER - that is in written correspondence, including the phone book - and she stayed that way until she too died in 1991. She loved him dearly and was only too proud to adopt his name and be known as his wife. The only time I recall hearing her referred to as Mrs. Jean COLLYER was when she was being acknowledged as the Church organist!
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