Subject: UNIQUE AUSSIES
Here are just some of the beliefs that make Aussies unique:
1. That beer should be served so cold it makes your ears hurt.
2. That it's not a genuine Australian saying, unless it involves a
paddock, lizard or a rat.
3. That your best friend is "a total bastard," while your worst enemy is
"a bit of a bastard."
4. That a hamburger must contain beetroot.
5. That our national character is such that we cry during the first verse
of the national anthem, but can't
remember the words of the rest.
6. That people with red hair should always be nicknamed "Blue."
7. That every surname, brand name and car spare part must be shortened to
the point of incomprehension,
as in: "If I hadn't stuffed the diff, I'd have taken Blacky to Maccas."
8. That it's not summer until barefoot kids dance a wild corroboree every
time they cross the road.
9. That parties, in however grand and well prepared a house is, will be
held, cramped and noisy, in the kitchen.
10. That, in beach cricket, the person who hits the ball into the water
shall score runs, but also cop social disapproval.
11. That a gum leaf, crushed in the hand, is the best smell ever.
12. That there is no event that can't be improved by the addition of a
sausage sizzle.
13. That two weeks after a trip to the beach, grains of sand will suddenly
and inexplicably appear in your bed.
14. That we invented everything in the world worth inventing, but then sold
the patent to the Yanks.
15. That there comes a time in every Australian's life when you realize that
Aerogard is far, far worse than the flies.
16. That spreading toast with a black salty spread, with the appearance of
axle grease, is widely viewed as a good way to start the day.
17. That it's only money.
18. That kids, upon burying their father in the sand, shall always give him
breasts larger than those of their mother.
19. That, on the beach, the thieves are going to be fooled if you hide your
car keys inside your sandshoes.
20. That when you are seven years old - and wanting to fly - the Hills Hoist
is wasted on washing.
21. That we become more Australian the further away we travel from home.
David in Ballarat
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