OH IRELAND! President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.
"Hallo dere, Mr. President Bush Sir" a heavily Irish accented voice said. "Dis is Paddy O'keefe, up 'ere at Flanagan's Refreshment Parlour (Burp) eh? I'm callin' yea to tells ya dat we, the Pride of Dublin and surrounding area, are officially declaring war on you at this minute in time so to speak, eh!" "Well Paddy," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now, Sir," said Paddy, "To my calculation, there is myself right enough, me cousin Sean, me next-door-neighbour Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. Making a grand total of eight!" George paused. "I must tell you this Paddy, I have one million men under arms waiting my command to move into action." "Holy Mother o'jeezus," said Paddy. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Bush Sir, I'm terribly moved to tell yer, the war is still on! You see, we have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" George asked. "Well sir, we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer, borrowed from O'Connors the builders and Harry McAllen's farm tractor." President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Lard T'underin' Jeezus, bye", said Paddy, "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "President Bush Sir, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! You won't believe this Sir, but we up an' modified Jimmy Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four ol' boys from the troubles have joined us as well!" George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Paddy,"I'll have ta call youse back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "President Bush! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war." "I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well, sir," said Paddy, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a session of Guinness, and coming to the conclusion that on balance, all things equal like, dere's no way we can feed two million prisoners." IRISH CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN! David in Ballarat To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
