> > Wise Words of Wisdom > > > > Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, > you should have remained a virgin.' > > - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) > > > > ><><> > > I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I > was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good > in a bed, but fine against a wall.' > > - Eleanor Roosevelt > ><><> > > Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever > seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to > withdraw that statement. > > - Mark Twain > > > ><><> > > > > The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a > good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. > > - George Burns > > > > ><><> > > > > Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. > > - Victor Borge > > > > <><> > > Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. > > - Mark Twain > > <><> > > > > By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become > happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. > > - Socrates > > > > ><><> > > > > I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. > > >- Groucho Marx > > > > <><> > > > >My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then >she stops to breathe. > > - Jimmy Durante > > > > ><><> > > > > I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. > > - Zsa Zsa Gabor > > ><><> > > > > Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four > essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. > > >- Alex Levine > > > > <><> > > > > My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. > > - Rodney Dangerfield > > ><><> > > > > Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does bring you a more > pleasant form of misery. > > - Spike Milligan > > ><><> > > > > Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. > > - Joe Namath > > ><><> > > > > I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then > it's time for my nap. > > - Bob Hope > > > > <><> > > > > I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. > > - W. C. Fields > > ><><> > > > > We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to > work its way through Congress. > > - Will Rogers > > <><> > > > > Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it > will avoid you. > > - Winston Churchill > > <><> > > > > Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything > else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. > > >- Phyllis Diller > > <><> > > > > By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too > old to go anywhere. > > - Billy Crystal > > > > > ><><> > > > > And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good spit it out. > > David in Ballarat --- avast! Antivirus: Outbound message clean. Virus Database (VPS): 080906-0, 06/09/2008 Tested on: 7/09/2008 5:45:47 PM avast! - copyright (c) 1988-2008 ALWIL Software. http://www.avast.com <html> <BR><BR> <TABLE width=400><HR> <P style="FONT: 9pt/11pt verdana"><a href="http://www.avast.com";>avast! Antivirus</a>: Outbound message clean. <P style="FONT: 8pt/11pt verdana">Virus Database (VPS): 080906-0, 06/09/2008<BR>Tested on: 7/09/2008 5:45:47 PM<BR><FONT color=gray>avast! - copyright (c) 1988-2008 ALWIL Software.</FONT></P> <TBODY></TBODY></TABLE> <BR></html>
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