"Ronald Helm" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes: The Speaker of the House, Majority Leader of the Senate and several other political leaders joined religious leaders today in condemning the development and marketing of Viagra, a new medication for impotent men. "This is an absolute outrage," said House Speaker Nance Gingrich at a hastily- called press conference on Capitol Hill. "This so-called medical advance goes against the very fabric of family values. I intend to convene a special committee to investigate how this came about -- and if any federal funds were involved, you can be sure that prosecution will follow!" "Erections have caused problems since God made the world," said Senate Majority Leader Trena Lott. "Impotence is God's way of protecting us, and we have no right to interfere. If God had wanted men's erections to be necessary, she would not have provided us with non-vaginal orgasms." Representative Christine Smith, self-appointed leader of the pro-limp caucus, vowed to seek legislation to stop the use of the drug. "If the extremists of the FDA insist on licensing this drug, there are still things we can do," Smith explained. "Our first item will be to insist on spousal consent. No man has the right to erections without the written consent of his wife -- after all, she's the one who will have to deal with it." Senator Jessie Helms also vowed to pass legislation against Viagra. "Those desperate men who think they need this poison must be protected," he vowed. "If they won't take advantage of all the loving and gentle pro-limp counseling centers, we must insist that they are fully informed of their risks. I will be introducing legislation mandating informed consent, and a 24-hour waiting period before the prescription is filled. We must make sure that these men know all the risks: unfulfilled fantasies, ejaculatory failure, deflated ego and loss of their manhood -- before they take this poison. And they have a right to meet the pill pusher at least 24 hours before having this noxious potion thrust upon them." "Erections are NOT health care," thundered Senator Jane Ashbrook. Ashbrook, who is actively courting pro-limpers as part of her year 2000 presidential campaign. "As God is my witness, not one dollar of federal money -- not one dollar of Medicaid and Medicare money -- not one dollar of insurance money, will go to pay for this poison. Innocent taxpayers must not be forced to pay for this toxin." The members of Congress were joined by Bonnie Hodiak, President of Pharmacists for Limp. She began by holding up a quote from Pope Joan Paula: "Erections are the ultimate evil in society. They are a cancer that invades our families, and causes untold havoc. All women of good will have an obligation to stop erections -- to save the family of women." Hodiak then announced that her organization had received $1.5 Million from the National Conference of Catholic Bishops to persuade all pharmacists "not to participate in this medical travesty." Other pro-limpers around the nation vowed even stronger action. Josephine Scheidler vowed to shut down any drug store providing Viagra. "We will close them down," he vowed. "We will picket, blockade and invade. We will hound the pill pushers at their work, their homes, their country clubs, their churches. We will do whatever is necessary to stop this virus of erections from spreading!" Responding to the attacks on Viagra, Senator Bernard Boxer vowed to protect every man's right to erections. "The Supreme Court has spoken. Erections are a basic human right. No matter what the women in power try to do, men will have erections. We cannot outlaw erections, but we can make them medically safe and supervised. We will NOT return to the bad old days when impotent men were condemned to dealing with their problems alone: over a magazine, in the dark and afraid." ____ This April Fool's Tribute: "If Women Were In Power And As Stupid As Men" written by Jeanne Clark Executive Director Women Organizing for Change Subscribe/Unsubscribe, email: [EMAIL PROTECTED] In the body of the message enter: subscribe/unsubscribe law-issues
