A Liverpool Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan.
She asks her scouser students to raise their hands if they too are Liverpool
fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.
The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you
raise your hand?'
'Because I'm not a Liverpool fan,' she replied.
The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Liverpool fan, then
who are you a fan of?'
'I am a Chelsea fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.
The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, are you a
Chelsea fan?'
'Because my mum is a Chelsea fan, and my dad is a Chelsea fan, so I'm a Chelsea
fan too!'
'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for
you to be a Chelsea fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of
the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict,
what would you be then?'
'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Liverpool fan.
An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint
of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints
slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the
Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis
I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A
Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the Counter
and said 'Hi, I'm looking for a job'.
The man behind the counter replied 'Your timing is amazing. We've just got one
in from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac
twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes and wear
the uniform provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You
also have to escort the young ladies on their Overseas holidays. The Salary
package is £200,000 a year'.
The Scouser said 'You're bullshitting me!'
The man behind the counter said 'Well you started it!'
Police cordoned off Liverpool City Centre this morning when a suspicious object
was discovered in a car.
It later turned out to be a tax disk
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