Remind me again did anything exceptional happen on Sunday?
Betty
From: Voice of Football <VoiceofFooty©zenecaen.demon.co.uk>
Reply-To: [email protected]
To: leeds-united©vax.ox.ac.uk
Subject: Chantelle's Giggsi XMAS Story - "The Gratest Stori Ever Told"!
ello, chantelle (aged 14) ere,
bluddi ell, all this fuss abowt simun mayos nativiti play.
its a lode of rubbish anniway. ive ritten 1 insted.
the gratest stori ever told - by chantelle
-----------------------------------------------------
a long long time ago, in a place cald bethleehem, manchestur yewnited ad
a trikki uroppean kup matsch agenst AC Nazuruth. managur alix fergussun
woz ded wurrid coz is missus woz up the duff and she wuddunt miss the
matsch for owt. to add to the trubbels gari palister woz injurd.
actualli ee wozzunt but fergi wontid an ekcuse coz ee new yewnited wud
get slaughturd.
wen the plane landud at beflehem ther woz a rite bluddi palava coz al
the taksi drivurs woz on strike. so they ad to eech get a donki.
it woz ded and to find anniware to stay coz the hotels wer full of
yewnited fans wot ad cum from miles arownd. fergi nokked on evri place
in beflehem until eventshualli they fownd a tiny pub wiv 11 rumes free,
the owner of the pub woz ded eksitid. ee sed to fergi "bluddi ell, ide
rekognise yu enni ware. yore faymus arnt yu" fergi started to blush and
the pub bloke sed "yore that Taggart bloke off TV arnt yu". (but of
Gorse ee sed it in a beflehem aksent but ime not sure ow that gose) all
the playurs fellabowt laffin coz it ad nevur occurd to em before.
anniway fergi sed "yu playurs ad better av the rumes coz yu need a gud
nites sleep" me and mary will av to kip on the pavement owtside. the pub
bloke sed "yu kant du that. yore missus is pregnunt. yu can sleep in the
barn insted".
fergi was ded chuffd and gave the bloke 2 tikkits for the matsch.
anniway that nite mary woz rollin arownd on the flore klutchin er tummi,
teers streemin down er fase.
"i no, i no" sed fergi "mark hughs?"
"korrect!" sed mary standin up
"i luv playin 'football charades" sed fergi just at that minnit mary
went in 2 laybur and er legs startid wobblin and she staggurd akross the
flore
"Lee Sharp!" shoutid Fergi "That ones 2 eesi!" "no yu daft bugger" sed
mary "ime avvin the baby" fergi grabd a cardbord box and mad stud ovur
it and owt it popt. fergi woz stud behind her wiv is arms reddi but it
slipt thru is fingurs and dropt ed furst into the box.
ten minnits later a big star woz in the sky ovur the likkel barn. it
lukked just like one of them owid fludlites that endsli leeg teems ay.
inside the barn mary woz huggin the likkel baby in its likkel red devil
babi grow that brianmclare ad bote from the megastore.
"isnt ee cute" sed mary "lets call im giggsi. oo luk at is likkel stikki
owt eers. Ee dussunt luk mutsch like yu fergi"
"thats coz god is the father" sed fergi
"i sware" sed mary passonatli "its ovur between me and erik. we'll bring
likkel rian up just like ees yores"
annuver ten minnits latur and the dore burst open and ther were 3 men in
naff suits. "oo are yu?" sed fergi
"weer the 3 wise men" 1 of em sed "jimmi hill, trevor brukking and alan
anson. we saw the fludlite and thote weed bettur cum along ang giv sum
expert analisis"
"yes" sed jimmi hill "mary, yore breethin tecnike durin laybur is
inferior to yore uropean cownterparts. He giv yu 6 and a half owt of 10"
"and if yore gonna tri kwik a deliveri in 2 the box, yuve gotta av a man
in support" sed alan anson
"weeel, the balls just bobbled up a bit, it is shin and gone wide, Des"
sed trevur brukking, but no 1 reeli understud wy ee sed that.
enniway they left sum pressents and pissd off.
yeers layter yung giggsi grew up to be the hunkyist and bestest futti
playur in the wurld ever. peepel oo saw his silki skills thote ee must
be the sun of god. witsch ee woz. so they demandud lodes of stuff like
calendurs and kwilt cuvvers be made so they cud wurship him.
1 day as giggsi woz walkin past the temple in old traffurd ee woz pissd
off to find lodes of knockoff and cheepimitashun stuff wiv im on it.
"yu theevs and vagabonds!" ee skremed as ee turnd ovur the stalls "get
yore stuff from the megastore onli. this stufs not offishiali endorsd"
all the peepel woz ded chuffd with im and sat down as ee told em sum
storis. ee told a stori abowt a bloke oo got beeten up in the street and
evri 1 ignored im and crossed to the uvver side of the rode. all eksept
1 bloke oo went and lent ovur im and gave im a big smile and sed "ime a
scouser. and over yore wollat or ile stik yu wiv me stanli nife"
ee also sed abowt a bloke oo woz lyin ded in is owse and evri 1 sed its
no gud eez ded but giggsi went and tutched im and sed "cum on hughsi,
get up, yuve not got a penalty this time ime afrade" and ee got up and
ee woz ok.
othurs thote the way he dribbled and did is bak fliks must be sum form
of blak magic and wonted im ded.
so 1 nite ee ad a big do for all is mates, sharpey brote sum coke and
they all got reeli smashed. but trubbel woz brewin coz joe royal ad
slippd judas kanshelskis a tenner to betray giggsi.
so wen theyd snorted all the guds giggsi staggurd to is feet and sed "2
nite before the cok crows 3 times sumone will betray me, sumone wiv the
moral fiber of a slimey snake"
evri 1 turnd to luk at erik.
"not im" sed giggsi "its judas"
"sorri" sed judas "but me agunt eric hall rekkons thers nowt rong in
gettin the best for yoreself and enniway its onli a short kareer"
giggsi woz arrestud by herod wilkinson and lokked up for tekkin drugs.
ther woz hell on. the press ad nevur ad a bung skandal or a playur oo
woz on drugs be 4 and the bak pagis woz ful of it.
poor giggsi nevur ad a chance. it wozzunt a fare cort case but ee endud
up bein krusifide plus a 12 matsch ban. both sentensis to run konkurentli.
The END
wel, not kwite akshewalli, coz ee rose from the ded and playd a behind
klosed doors frendli agenst rochdale at yewniteds trainin grownd but the
FA fownd owt and woz pissdoff so giggsi thote eed ad enuff and dide agen.
DEFINITLI THE END!
Chantelle (aged 14)
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Dave Dowden, a legend, a Totty Twin, a pie man! R.I.P.
