Betty - here’s another Ralph list classic from 2004 Sent from my iPad
Begin forwarded message: > From: "Ralph" <[email protected]> > Date: 4 October 2004 at 11:04:58 CEST > To: "Leeds United Email List" <[email protected]> > Subject: LU: Non LUFC: Best jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe 2004 > > The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be > sh*tting herself. > Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance > > My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was > never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep > at night. > Susan Murray at the Underbelly > > Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people > were given pointed sticks? > Adam Bloom at the Pleasance > > My mum and dad are Scottish but they moved down to Wolverhampton when I was > two, 'cause they wanted me to sound like a tw*t. > Susan Murray at the Underbelly > > A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, > "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, "All right, but > we're not going to get much done." > Jimmy Carr at the ICC > > I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. > Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms > > My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking > he would have been better off with more oxygen. > Jimmy Carr at the ICC > > You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because > eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you > murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ... Self-raising?" > Addy Van-Der-Borgh at the Assembly Rooms > > The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched > someone in the face. > Jeremy Limb, at the Trap > > Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. > Jimmy Carr > > I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the > obvious one was "Shout For Help". > Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron > > I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the Girl > out of Cork ... > Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco > > Got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned out > it was a bloody hoax. > Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance > > Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner > and a loser at the same time. > Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms > > The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm > bears. > Chris Addison at the Pleasance > > My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our > family holidays in Customs. > Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon > > Sleeping with prostitutes is like making your cat dance with you on its hind > legs. You know it's wrong, but you try to convince yourself that they're > enjoying it as well. > Scott Capurro at the Pleasance > > A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The > hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the > circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber". > Steven Alan Green at C34 > > Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at The Warehouse. > Brendon Burns at the Pleasance > > I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got > one!" > Norman Lovett at The Stand > > It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake. > Chris Addison at the Pleasance > > I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very > good at it. > Arnold Brown at The Stand > > If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then > on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for > that. > Milton Jones at the Underbelly > > I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: > "This door is alarmed." I said to myself: "How do you think I feel?" > Arnold Brown at The Stand > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > JOHN CHARLES: http://www.mightyleeds.co.uk/players/charlesapp.htm > > LIST RELATED WEBSITE at: http://www.leeds-list.com > > ONLINE ARCHIVE: > http://velocity.dnsracks.com/pipermail/theleedslist_leedslist.com/ > > UPDATE YOUR LIST SUBSCRIPTION DETAILS/ SUBSCRIBE/ UNSUBSCRIBE TO theleedslist > AT: > http://mail.leedslist.com/mailman/listinfo/theleedslist_leedslist.com _______________________________________________ Leedslist mailing list Info and options: https://mailman.gn.apc.org/mailman/listinfo/leedslist To unsubscribe, email [email protected] Find us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/leedslist/ Dave Dowden, a legend, a Totty Twin, a pie man! R.I.P.
