>From the Student Financial Advisors Network Mailing List
WE reproduce here, in full, the Government's new literacy/numeracy
test for the young unemployed. This information comes courtesy of X,
an unemployed, illiterate young hacker who easily cracked the
Government's ultrasecure database.
LITERACY SECTION:
(1)What is a bludger?
(a) A bottom-feeding fish.
(b) A tool for removing bludges.
(c) An Enemy of the State.
(2) What does the word "cool" mean?
(a) Moderately cold.
(b) Dispassionate.
(c) Aloof.
(3) Mr Lazy and Mr Slow were having a picnic by the river. Along
came Mr Mean and Mr Uppity, who beat the living tripes out of
Mr Lazy and Mr Slow, then devoured their sandwiches. Mr Mean and
Mr Uppity were:
(a) Showing initiative.
(b) Responding to market forces.
(c) Completely within their rights.
(4) Wally can be found in the upper right-hand corner of page 4,
between the goatherd and the Egyptian mummy. Now you know where
Wally is, why don't you get off your fat backside and:
(a) Start looking for work.
(b) Start a small business.
(c) Join the Army Reserve.
(5) Christmas is coming/The geese are getting fat/Please to put a
penny/In the old man's hat. What is wrong about this old poem?
How does it illustrate an archaic belief system?
(6) Thomas is a really useful little engine. Can you say the same
thing about yourself? If not, why not?
(7) Supplementary question :
Longtemps je me suis couch de bonne heure ... This is the opening
phrase of which classic novel? What is a madeleine? Describe in no
less than 5000 words (extra paper provided).
NUMERACY SECTION.
(1) Brad has six oranges and Stephanie has six apples. How many
pieces of fruit do they have in total? After a 10 per cent GST
is imposed on the fruit, are Brad and Stephanie:
(a) Grateful?
(b) Awed?
(c) Both?
(2) Ten idle young citizens are sitting on the pavement. Three of
them are arrested for vagrancy. Of the remaining young citizens,
what percentage should:
(a) Get a haircut?
(b) Set up a small business?
(c) Return to New Zealand?
(3) Stephanie's Gran has 10,000 Telstra shares. If the Government
manages to overcome an obstructionist Senate and sell the
remaining 50 per cent of Telstra, Stephanie's Gran will be
(a) Delighted?
(b) Ecstatic?
(c) Drooling?
(4) After an horrific industrial accident, Brad's dad retires on a
full disability pension. One day Brad notices that his father
still has movement in the right index finger. What percentage
of Brad's Dad is not incapacitated? Should Brad turn Dad in to
the authorities?
(a) Yes.
(b) Definitely.
(c) No question about it.
(5) Mr Howard is power-walking at a steady 6kmh from Nowhere to
Kirribilli House, a distance of 10 kilometres. After giving Mr
Howard a 10-minute head start, Mr Costello follows him, jogging
at 10kmh. At what point in the journey will Mr Costello overtake
Mr Howard? How long will it take Mr Howard to power-walk back
to Nowhere?
(6) Can't you put two and two together? No Work equals No Money, got it?
(7) Supplementary question :
The algorithm (x,y) (x2 - y2 + A, 2xy + B) describes which notorious
fractal set? Discuss, wittily. (Slide rule and compasses provided).
On completion of this exam, rise silently, salute the flag and exit
in an orderly manner. Do not try to steal the stationery - you run
the risk of a systematic body-cavity search. Thank you for attending.
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Dilum Dassanayake PH: (61) 2 9514 5237
Education Officer/Researcher FX: (61) 2 9514 5193
Kuring-gai Students' Association
University of Technology-Sydney
Eton Road, Lindfield NSW 2070 Australia
Web: http://www.sa.uts.edu.au/
http://www.sa.uts.edu.au/staff/dilum/index.html
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